


A Matter of Choice

by Meatball42



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Dating, Epiphanies, Existential Crisis, Gender Roles, Homophobia, M/M, Miscommunication, Trans Character, Transgender, Transphobia, Trust Issues, Year That Never Was
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-29
Updated: 2014-01-29
Packaged: 2018-01-06 13:21:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 37,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1107349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meatball42/pseuds/Meatball42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack is back, but his team has lost faith in him. Jack has to decide how dedicated he is to Torchwood in order to earn back their trust. Meanwhile, he’s trying to cultivate a new relationship with an attractive barista who’s hiding a secret of his own. Will Jack and Ianto be able to balance the hidden parts of their lives, or will the secrets they’re keeping tear them both apart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> A fanmix that made me laugh with tears was created for this fic by subluxate on LiveJournal, and it's called 'living at large, to suffer hardships'. This mix sums up all of the deepest emotions in my story and makes them grab you in the way that I tried to do, except, like, way better. I seriously could not think of any songs that would better represent my fic than the glorious and subtle ensemble she chose. *bows down in wonder*  
> Find it at http://gonerunningaway.dreamwidth.org/7536.html because I don't know how to do easy stuff like link.

_"Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for. It is a thing to be achieved."  -William Jennings Bryan_  
  
 **  
**

_1988_

In a well-kept neighborhood fifteen minutes outside of Cardiff, a young girl ran, elbows pumping, trainers nearly skidding on the wet paved road. Her long blond hair flowed behind her as she looked over her shoulder, screaming and giggling, at her pursuer. A few steps behind her, a slightly taller girl wore a determined look, shouting with exhilaration.

At the end of the street the blonde slowed and ducked into a copse of trees in someone’s front yard. Her friend kept up speed and caught her by the back of her pink dress and tugged her to a stop.

“I’ve got you Mary!” the taller girl cried between heavy breaths. “I’m faster.” She grinned and let go of the dress, plopping down at the foot of a tree.

“It’s only ‘cause you’re older,” Mary complained, sitting down beside her friend.

“I’ll be the fastest in school,” the other girl bragged. “I’ll be the fastest in Wales!” She looked at Mary, who looked sad all of a sudden. “What’s wrong?”

Mary sniffed. “I don’t want you to start primary,” she said, beginning to cry. “I’ll miss you.”

Her friend put her arm around her shoulder and patted her awkwardly. “We can still play.”

“It’s not the same,” Mary shook her head. A few strands of her hair caught on her wet cheeks.

After a moment of staring, the other girl pecked her on the lips. Mary looked up at her friend, surprised enough to forget her tears.

“Hilary, you’re supposed to kiss boys.”

Hilary swallowed. “I am a boy.”

Mary looked around them, but only the low-hanging branches of the trees were visible. She looked at Hilary and tilted her head. “But you look like a girl.”

Hilary held a chunk of her hair in front of her face with a frown. It was dark brown and curly and fell to her shoulders. She was wearing a light blue blouse with a frilly neck and her jeans had flowery embroidery up to the knee on one side.

“It’s my parents’ fault. The don’t let me wear boys' clothes.”

“Okay…” Mary thought for a moment. “I guess it’s okay then.”

Hilary smiled and kissed Mary again. This time, Mary giggled.

“Does this mean you’re my boyfriend?”

Hilary sprang up and ran. “Only if you can catch me!”

  
 _1998_

Hilary glared at his textbook as Mary and Mike talked to each other in low, personal tones on the other side of the picnic table. He ignored them for several minutes until, finally, he sighed loudly.

Mary broke away from her boyfriend’s eyes and gave Hilary a disdainful look. “What is it with you? Come on, it’s the first nice day in a month, we’re all at the park, why can’t you just enjoy yourself?”

“We’ve been here half an hour and you haven’t even looked around. You can cuddle just as easily at your house, where at least I can watch the television.”

“You just want to watch rugby,” Mary spat.

“Hey, nothin’ wrong with that,” Mike argued, grinning.

Mary glared at him. “Stay out of this.” Mike looked away and Mary directed her gaze back to Hilary. “You’re never going to get a boyfriend like this. This stupid haircut, and those clothes, you look horrible.”

“I look the way I want to look.” Hilary ran a hand through his hair, cut close to his scalp, letting the new but already familiar motion comfort him. “You know why I don’t want to wear all those trendy clothes you try to force on me, those  _skirts_ ,” he said with disgust.

Mary shook her head and kept shaking it when he slammed the textbook shut. “It was a laugh when we were kids, Hilary. But things have changed. People at school, they’re starting to think you’re  _a lesbian_ ,” she whispered, looking around at the nearly empty picnic site as thought someone might overhear. “And I can’t keep covering for you.”

“I don’t want you to  _cover_  for me, I want you to accept me!” Hilary’s voice rose and he huffed at the fear in Mary’s eyes. “Afraid people will figure out what kind of freak you hang out with?”

“I don’t have to listen to this,” Mary stood up. She gave Mike a kiss and said, “I’ll see you at the gate tomorrow.” With a last glare for Hilary, she spun away, long blond hair catching the sun as she left.

Hilary hunched over the table, the button-up shirt he’d nicked from the back of his father’s closet sagging on his lean frame.

Mike stood up and rounded the table. “Hey,” he said, nudging Hilary’s shoulder until he looked up at Mike suspiciously. “Look, I don’t know about the lesbian stuff, and I don’t care. I think you’re alright.” He held out his hand to shake, and Hilary took it slowly. “And if you want, you can watch the rugby at mine. You said your tad don’t like you to watch it at home, right?”

Hilary nodded, beginning to smile. “Yeah, thanks mate.”

Mike nodded and stuffed his hands into his pockets before walking away.

  
 _2001_

Hilary stuffed the last box into the beat-up two-door and slammed the passenger side shut. He rounded back to the sidewalk, where Mike was standing awkwardly, hands still stuffed in his ugly long overcoat.

“I just don’t see why you can’t at least stay in Cardiff,” he continued their argument. “There’s loads of culture here at home, and diversity and what-not.”

Hilary shook his head. “I need a fresh start.” He looked back at the house he’d grown up in, the windows all dark, then at the For Sale sign on the lawn, in plain view of the whole street. The whole street that was wordlessly watching him prepare to leave from their patios and behind their curtains.

Mike shrugged and nodded, looking around and chewing on his cheeks. “I guess I can see that.” He focused on the house next to Hilary’s.

Following his gaze, Hilary turned in time to see a curtain fall in place before a teary young woman with long blond hair. “What happened there,” he asked, “I thought you and she had-”

“Broke up,” Mike interrupted. “Not much to it, really.” He shuffled, suddenly looking uncomfortable. “I should go, my shift starts in a few.” He moved forward with arms out, but one outstretched, and they ended up in a mildly uncomfortable hug-handshake, then grinned and slapped the others’ backs.

“I’ll call you when I get a place,” Hilary promised. “I’m looking at this hostel on the outskirts of London, cheap enough.”

“Right. Good luck then, Hilary.”

“Hey, wait.” Hilary’s brow furrowed in concentration. “I wanted to tell you, I chose a name. Just last night, in fact.”

“Oh yeah?” Mike asked, smiling for the first time. “What is it?”

His friend grinned. “Ianto. I’m Ianto Jones.”


	2. Part 1

Jack meandered down the cold, dreary sidewalks of Cardiff, hair plastered to his forehead by the drizzle that so suited his current mood. The wet seeped into his coat, making it weigh down on his shoulders, and every so often a few drops trailed down the back of his neck. He shivered, but he didn’t find someplace to shelter or even throw up his collar.

The gray sky and icy rain were the perfect backdrop to his depressing thoughts. After spending a year on the Valiant, all Jack had wanted was to return to Torchwood. He knew he should be grateful that his ‘Freakishness’ had repelled the Master into leaving him alone for almost the whole twelve months, but the isolation had made its own impact on Jack. He’d spent the entire time in silent agony, hopeless and fearful for the Doctor, his team, and his new friend Martha Jones and her family, not to mention the entire world.

When time reverted, Jack was single-minded: he wanted to return to Cardiff and devote himself to his team the way he never could while he’d been waiting for the Doctor. All that time to think had made him positive that defending the Earth alongside his trusted colleagues- almost his family- would be his life’s work.

But when the Doctor dropped him off, Jack had been horrified to discover that the Tardis had landed in the wrong time. Instead of arriving just a week after he’d left, Jack showed up nearly six months later. Instead of the loving team he’d missed so much on the Valiant, Jack discovered four strangers who had become far harder and more cynical than he ever would have wished for them in his absence.

Gwen, his wide-eyed second-in-command, the one he’d trusted to keep faith for his return, had taken over. Under her, the team ran far more smoothly and efficiently than they ever had when Jack was their leader. Gwen felt betrayed by Jack’s leaving and had refused to return command of the team to him. Owen supported her whole-heartedly. After a single tight hug, he’d shown very little emotion to Jack, despite their friendship before Jack had left.

Toshiko had invited Jack out for a lunch where they discussed his return. She’d been very happy to see him again and said she wanted him to be leader of Torchwood again, but that it was a problem. Tosh recognized that if the team wasn’t unanimous in accepting Jack as their leader, unity would be threatened. This explanation made Jack feel hollow inside; he felt rejected, even though he agreed with her reasoning.

The last member of Jack’s team was Lisa, the archivist who’d impressed Jack with her determination to convince him to hire her after the downfall of London. Jack had bonded with Lisa when she’d had a breakdown several months after the Battle and had practically served as a therapist while she recovered. After taking a month off, Lisa had returned to work as a much brighter, spirited person who no longer hid in the archives. Instead, she fit in with the team and was a good mediator; Jack hoped she would have some ideas on how to convince Gwen and Owen that he should be leader again.

“We do want you back,” Lisa explained to him patiently at her desk in the archives. “We love you Jack, we all do. And although Gwen is more of a people person than you,  _and_  she actually does her paperwork on time,” she glared, “she’s not ready to be a leader yet.”

“Then why won’t they take me back?” Jack asked, trying not to sound desperate.

“You left us, Jack,” she said, simply but seriously. “You told us you needed to find out the reason for your immortality and that you’ve done that. But all we have is your word that this is where you want to be, there’s really nothing else to promise Gwen or Owen that you won’t just leave us all behind again.”

“You and Tosh believe me,” Jack pointed out.

Lisa smiled sadly. “We  _want_  to believe you. We’re running on faith here. But if you really want us to believe you? You have to show us that you mean it. Show us that you’re really in Cardiff to stay.”

Until then, Jack was stuck taking Gwen’s orders. While she listened to his input and undoubtedly better experience, it was clear that she was the one in charge. They’d given him his office back, simply because no one had cleaned it out, but Jack knew he had a lot of trust to earn back before any of them, even Tosh or Lisa, would take his orders.

On this particular afternoon, the atmosphere in the Hub had gotten so tense that Jack simply decided to remove himself from the equation. He left the Hub, supposedly to fetch the team coffee, and wandered the streets, trying desperately to think of a way to win back his team’s trust.

Jack turned a corner and abruptly collided with another person. He stepped back quickly and reached out to steady the unfortunate figure he’d bumped into.

Jack found himself staring into a pale face with gray-blue eyes and blushing cheeks. The other man cleared his throat and quickly dropped his own arms from where he’d reached out to steady Jack. “My apologies, sir.”

“Not at all,” Jack replied, quickly grinning. “I should have been watching where I was going, but I can’t say I’m regretting it. Captain Jack Harkness,” he introduced, holding out his hand without stepping back.

The other man took Jack’s hand and shook it rather awkwardly, considering the lack of space between them. “Ianto Jones,” he answered, blushing again. Then, taking in Jack’s soaked appearance, he nodded toward the door they were standing in front of. “I can’t help but notice you’ve been out in the rain a while. Could I offer you a coffee?”

Jack looked up through the rain and noticed that they were standing in front of a coffeehouse, the sort that provided internet access and hosted poetry readings. Jack hadn’t heard of the place, but he  _had_  said he was going to get coffee- and this Mr. Jones was really all the motivation the decision required. “I’d appreciate that,” he smiled, opening the door for the other man to enter first.

The coffee shop was a warm and welcoming place, with low-seated couches and high two-person tables spread out around a wide room, only a few of which currently had occupants. A low stage filled up one corner, and a small aquarium bubbled quietly along the wall next to the pastry-stuffed counter. The color scheme was rich browns and reds, and the scents of mocha and cinnamon pervaded the air. Jack felt instantly at home.

He shook off his soaked greatcoat and hung it to dry on a row of pegs by the door. Ianto did the same, and Jack expected him to go ring the bell that sat in front of the cash register, but instead the young man walked behind the counter and flicked on one of the multiple coffee machines.

“You work here?” Jack asked, leaning on the counter.

“It’s the low point of the day,” Ianto spoke over his shoulder as he began brewing Jack’s coffee. “I was just coming back in from my break when we bumped into each other.”

“And do you usually offer coffee to strangers you meet on the street?”

“Only when they look as though they just walked through a rain cloud,” Ianto commented, lips quirking slightly upwards.

Jack took the opportunity to study the other man in profile as he concentrated on the coffee machine. Ianto was shorter than Jack by two or three inches. He had short-cut, very dark hair and pale skin, a contrast Jack recognized from many decades in Wales. His features were quite delicate; he had a cute chin and thin, arching cheekbones, round cheeks, a small nose that turned slightly up at the end, and curved eyebrows. He was slim, and when he’d taken off his long coat Jack was able to see dark slacks, a white shirt and a tasteful, deep blue waistcoat. The entire effect made Jack wanted to take him into his arms and kiss those almost girlishly plump lips that had turned up when he teased Jack.

Jack’s eyes jumped up from admiring Ianto’s very inviting backside when the barista turned to place a mug on the counter.

“And here I thought you were offering to buy me a drink,” he complained, flashing Ianto a smile.

“How about this,” Ianto flirted back. “If this isn’t the best coffee you’ve ever tasted, I’ll pay for it myself.”

Jack shook his head, smiling. He took a small sip of the hot brew, planning to tease the young man a bit more, but his eyes widened and he stared down at the mug in shock. “This is amazing!” he breathed.

Ianto laughed. “That’ll be one pound fifty, sir.”

Jack fished out his wallet from his pants and handed over a five pound note. “One for yourself, as well,” he winked, gesturing toward a table.

“I guess it’s not too busy,” Ianto agreed. A minute later he joined Jack at the table. “So why were you walking aimlessly through the rain?” he asked Jack. “Are you some sort of artist looking for inspiration?”

Jack laughed. “No, that’s much too sophisticated for me. I just needed to get out of the office.”

Ianto nodded knowingly. “Work, or your colleagues?”

“Colleagues,” Jack sighed, taking another sip of the delicious coffee. He shivered as the combination of the beverage and the warm coffee lounge began to bring feeling back to his skin.

“Trouble ‘round the water cooler?”

“In a manner of speaking.” Jack wondered how much he could tell about his current problems, or even how much he  _wanted_  to tell, but Ianto was watching him with an open expression, blue eyes inviting. For the first time since he’d come back Jack felt that someone was actually listening to what he was saying; all his team wanted to know was why he’d abandoned them.

“I had to leave the country on personal business, I didn’t have time to explain to anyone. And now my friends… they were relying on me to be a good boss, and now that I’m back, they feel betrayed.” He looked up from his coffee and was almost surprised to find Ianto looking at him kindly; he’d been unconsciously expecting suspicion or hostility.

“Have you explained to them why you went?” Ianto asked.

Jack shook his head. “I told them as much as I could, but they don’t want to listen.” He winced, knowing that wasn’t entirely true. His team would be glad to listen, but he didn’t want to tell them too much information about his past and they didn’t want him to tell them only the basics.

Ianto nodded slowly. “Have you tried apologizing?”

“Of course I-” Jack stopped. Now that he thought about it… he’d spent the week or two that he’d been back trying to justify himself. He’d told the team he’d needed to leave, that he couldn’t have told them beforehand, that he didn’t mean for them to get hurt when he disappeared. “I wasn’t wrong,” he said instead. “I shouldn’t have to apologize.”

Ianto laughed through closed lips. Jack frowned. “What?”

The young man shook his head, his eyes shining as he smiled at Jack. “Apologizing doesn’t mean you’re wrong,” he chuckled, like Jack was being unreasonable, “it means you’re sorry. Sorry that what you did hurt your friends, even if it was necessary. They may be under the impression that you don’t care they were hurt.”

“I do, I never meant for them to feel abandoned,” Jack insisted. “But why can’t they understand that I had no choice?”

Ianto stood up from the stool and lightly shook Jack’s hand off his empty coffee cup. “Give them time, try to understand that they’re hurting too.” He stood up and hesitated next to the table, blushing slightly. “I’ve got to get back to work, but if you come back some time, I’ll, uh, buy you that drink.” He smiled before heading behind the counter to serve the customers who’d just entered

Jack sat for a while, soaking up the warmth and the simple, peaceful atmosphere of the establishment. Then, all of a sudden, he sat up straight and checked his watch. “Damn, I’ve been gone nearly an hour.” Luckily, there was only one person left in line and Jack placed his team’s order. He gave Ianto a quick smile and a quiet but honest “Thanks” before he rushed back to the Hub.

[*]

When Jack got back to the Hub, the tenseness in the air had vanished, but the team went quiet again as soon as he appeared. Jack summoned up his courage and asked to talk to Gwen in his office, feeling the stares of the others on his back as he closed the door behind them.

“What’s this about, Jack?” Gwen stood with her arms crossed and her eyebrows knitted, looking entirely defensive. Jack sat down in one of the two chairs in front of his desk and motioned for her to sit next to him. She did, reluctantly.

Jack held out her coffee. “There’s something I haven’t said.”

“I think there’s a lot more than one thing,” Gwen scoffed.

He nodded grudgingly. “I’ve told you I had to leave with the Doctor and that I chose to come back to Torchwood. But I haven’t told you that I’m sorry for leaving you.”

Gwen looked surprised. “I assumed you weren’t. You did say you’ve been waiting over a hundred years.”

“I have. But that doesn’t mean I’m glad that you were hurt. I should have taken more precautions so that the team would be supported in my absence. I should have made sure you’d be prepared for my leaving.” He held her eyes. “And I’m sorry that I had to leave. Nothing except the urge to try and find out what had happened to me, to live a normal life, could have taken me away from Torchwood.”

Gwen nodded, chewing on her lip. After a moment of thinking, she took the coffee cup that Jack had rested on his thigh. “Thanks for apologizin’, Jack,” she said, standing. “It means a lot.”

Jack smiled. “Think you could ask Owen to come in here?” He made sure to treat it as a request, not an order.

She seemed to appreciate the courtesy, smiling back. Jack’s heart rose, seeing that gap-toothed grin directed at him for the first time since he’d returned. “Sure. He’s been playing his video games again anyway.” She swept out of the room.

Jack fidgeted a little, trying to get rid of the uncomfortable vulnerability that came from exposing his motivations and feelings this way. A few moments later he settled down as Owen appeared in the doorway, scowling terribly. “What d’you want, Harkness?”

This is not going to be easy, Jack thought to himself as he picked up the next cup of coffee.

“Sit down,” he suggested, careful not to make it sound like an order.

Owen looked him in the eye as he walked to the chair and sat down. Jack suppressed the urge to lift up his chin and glare back and held out the coffee. Owen grabbed the drink, but his eyes narrowed. “What’s this about?”

“I asked you in here so I could apologize,” he began. “I realize I’ve tried to explain why I left, but-”

“You didn’t try to explain anything!” Owen spat. “All you’ll tell us is ‘I had to go find my Doctor so he could fix me!’” he impersonated badly.

Jack took a deep breath to keep from snapping at his medic. “That’s the truth. And I didn’t call you in here to argue.”

Owen crossed his arms, but gestured impatiently for Jack to continue.

Another surge of annoyance made him wonder why he was apologizing to the surly, argumentative man at all. “I’ve told you why, but I never told you that I’m sorry. I didn’t think about what my leaving would do to any of you, and that was irresponsible of me.” He ignored the way his pride was curdling in his stomach and waited for a response.

Owen’s hard stare did not budge an inch. “Is that all?”

Jack sighed. “Yeah, that’s all.”

The doctor stood up and left the office, slamming the door behind him.

Jack winced. So much for apologizing.

[*]

For some reason, Tosh took his attempt at an apology in much the same way as Owen did, and her previous hesitant friendliness toward him chilled down to a frosty professionalism. Jack was confused, but took Lisa out for a friendly fish and chips dinner at the end of the day, since she’d been doing errands when he’d returned with the coffees. They sat down on a bench looking out over the bay to talk.

“I should have considered how my leaving would affect all of you, and for that, I am truly sorry,” he told her. He held his breath as he watched her thoughtful expression.

“I said I’ve already forgiven you, you know,” she pointed out after a minute.

“I know,” Jack agreed. “But I apologized to the others earlier, and you deserved one too.”

Lisa continued to examine his face as though it were a particularly good mystery. “You just aren’t usually the type of person who apologizes,” she told him.

Jack smiled, nodding. “A friend of mine suggested it. He helped me realize that the fact that I’d hurt you was more important than my pride.”

Lisa smirked. “And who is this mysterious friend who’s made such a huge improvement on you?”

“Just a guy I met at a coffee shop,” he winked, knowing she’d press him for more- Lisa was a good gossip.

“And, and? Don’t keep all the juicy details to yourself, Harkness!” she grinned.

Jack shook his head. “No juicy details yet. Although if I have a chance…” he trailed off suggestively to an appreciative snort.

“I’m glad to know you’ve got friends,” Lisa commented a few bites of chips later. “Before you never mentioned seeing anyone outside work, except for contacts.”

“That’s just the job,” Jack shrugged.

“No, it’s not,” Lisa disagreed. “We all say that, but it isn’t. Look at Gwen- she manages to have a social life, a boyfriend. The rest of us could have, too, we just never try. If Owen put half as much effort into making friends as he did into getting laid, he’d have a great social life. And you and Toshiko put in so many extra hours at work, I’m surprised you even manage to sleep!”  
“You seem to have thought about this a lot,” Jack commented, tilting his head at her.

Lisa dropped her fork onto her tray. “Yeah. I miss having a life, you know? In London, I had loads of friends. Still do, they weren’t all Torchwood. But here? Well, I didn’t exactly have to check my schedule to see if I could come out with you tonight,” she said dryly.

Jack set his tray down on the bench beside him and tugged her over for a hug. “How about this? We’ll both try and get out more. We have to be a part of the world, not just stand outside it.”

“You mean like watching from roofs?”

Jack smiled. “Yeah. You’ve got to know what it is you’re fighting for.”

Lisa peered up at him curiously. “When did you get so philosophical, Jack? Where did you go?”

Jack shook his head slowly and looked out over the bay. “I had a lot of time to think while I was gone,” he said quietly. Then he perked up. “And that whole time, I was dying for some proper chips!” He grabbed his tray again and dug in.

Lisa rolled her eyes and took up her own fork.

[*]

The next day marked the loss of any ground Jack had managed to gain with his apologies as he was forced out of the Hub by furious shouting from all four members of his team. For any other field decision, Jack would have been able to convince them that he had done the right thing, but even Owen was moved into a rage when Jack shot the four foot tall scleria beast on sight.

“It was just a child, Jack, a baby!” Gwen spat, backed up by the usually calm Toshiko. Owen took over the instant the women finished with a minute of ranting over how the alien’s claws hadn’t even grown in yet, and Lisa had continued by declaring that the sort of senseless violence he’d shown was as bad as anyone at Torchwood London. Without giving him a chance to respond to any of their accusations, Gwen started in again, prompting his strategic retreat.

Jack didn’t even notice where he was going, mind completely fuzzed over with anger. He didn’t really know what it was that made him leave; half a decade in charge of the Hub and a hundred years of familiarity couldn’t be erased by a single empty year and some errant hostility, right?

He barely realized where he was going, but he woke up when he smelled a blend of cinnamon and coffee that bled away the worst of his rage almost instantly.

It was the coffee shop where he’d shared drinks with Ianto just yesterday. It was nearly five in the afternoon and the place was packed with what looked like university crowd; young men and women chatted easily on the couches or pored over thick textbooks at the high tables near the front windows.

Jack glanced at the counter hopefully and caught a glimpse of a delicate, clean-shaven face through the queue. He toyed with the idea of leaving, taking the thick anger in his chest elsewhere so as to not taint the flirtation he was hoping to cultivate. Then he remembered the way Ianto’s attentive eyes had made him feel welcome yesterday and he got into line, hiding behind a clump of students.

When he reached the counter Ianto’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open in surprise. Jack grinned and leaned his hip against the counter, basking in the way Ianto’s eyes followed the movement.

“Large black,” he ordered, flashing his teeth. Ianto smiled in return and began filling the order, stepping around a second barista.

“None for your employees, Captain?” Ianto called over his shoulder.

“Please, call me Jack,” Jack said affably. “And no, not today. Buy one for you, though,” he offered.

Ianto looked up from the coffee machine. “I haven’t the time right now. But my shift is over at six, if you want to wait.”

His face was scrunched apologetically, as though he expected a negative response. Jack took a moment to remember the looks on his team’s faces the last time he saw them and forced his grin wider. “For you, I’ve got all the time in the world.”

Ianto looked at him curiously as he brought back the paper coffee cup and slapped a plastic lid on it, ringing the purchase up on the register. “Have you brought a book?” he inquired as they exchanged bill and coins.

Jack checked his vortex manipulator- 4:50. “No,” his lips twisted. “I hadn’t thought that far ahead.”

Ianto raised an eyebrow in an amused way. “We do have laptops available for use, and free wi-fi. I must warn you, however,” he offered Jack the coffee, but didn’t let go when Jack grasped it, “if one of them disappears, we’ve got LoJack even the Comp Sci majors haven’t been able to hack out yet.”

Chuckling, Jack slipped his cup out of the barista’s small hand. “Your hardware is safe with me,” he winked.

Ianto grinned back and gestured to a trolley near the back of the shop that Jack had passed over on earlier appraisals. Lifting his cup in a last thank-you, he ambled over, avoiding crowded tables and strewn-about book bags.

As he waited for the laptop to wake up, Jack realized that, besides news sites and subjects of professional interest, such as ‘advanced’ physics and technology, he hadn’t explored the twenty-first century internet very much in his free time. Nor was there anything he particularly  _wanted_  to use it for.

The problem was solved for him when, upon turning on the browser, Jack was sent to the coffee shop’s homepage. It had a tab for the recommended sites of customers and the first on the list was an online comic. Jack was so amused by the clever dialogue and simple philosophy that he was startled when another cup was set on his table and Ianto slid into the seat opposite.

“Surprised to see you here again so soon,” Ianto murmured, leaning in close as though for privacy. Jack’s heart beat faster at the young man’s teasing smirk.

“I had good reason to hurry back,” Jack replied in kind. He let his eyes drift down the young man’s well-tailored suit and patterned tie that pointed below the table.

Ianto suddenly got an odd look and sat back in his seat. “What’s wrong, Jack? You look tired.”

Jack sighed. Distracting himself for an hour with the comic had calmed him down, but the deeper resentment and loneliness were still weighing him down. “It’s my team again.”

Ianto’s hummed sympathetically. “You can tell me.”

“They disagreed with a… business decision I made. They wouldn’t even let me try to explain. They used to trust me, I can’t believe they won’t even give me the benefit of the doubt now!”

“And you came straight here?” Ianto asked.

Jack nodded. “I just couldn’t be there any longer,” he said quietly. “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.”

After a moment of staring out the window, Ianto called his attention back. “How is it meant to be?”

Jack closed out of the internet and shut the laptop down as he thought. “They were supposed to welcome me back with open arms. I didn’t mean to be gone as long as I did, they were supposed to understand that. The whole time I was gone, all I wanted was to come home, and now that I’m here, it’s like they don’t even want me anymore.”

He crossed his arms, lost in his thoughts. It was a few minutes before Ianto spoke beside him.

“You told me yesterday that they felt betrayed, abandoned. They might not want to make themselves vulnerable to more pain by admitting how much they miss you.”

Ianto ducked so that his pale features were in Jack’s line of sight. Then he smiled endearingly. The cute expression and Ianto’s plump cheeks highlighting his cheekbones was almost enough to make Jack smile back.

“Are you an amateur psychologist, Mr. Jones?” he asked.

“I just have experience with people who feel betrayed,” Ianto said almost thoughtlessly. When Jack gave him a questioning look, he blushed slightly. “Barista isn’t too far off from bartender, it seems. I get a lot of college students asking for advice on their love lives.”

Jack laughed, and was surprised by how much better it made him feel. Ianto stood up from the table.

“It sounds like there are a lot of strong emotions flying around. I think you need to relax.”

Jack raised his eyebrows. “Do you?”

“Let loose,” Ianto shrugged. “Perhaps… a bit of karaoke?”

[*]

On their way to a nearby pub, Ianto told him that he loved karaoke, that he was the one who suggested to the owner of the coffee shop that they install the stage. He also mentioned that he got all the credit for the surge in customers on Tuesdays.

But it was a Saturday night, and so the nearest karaoke was Ianto’s local. By the end of the night, Jack wasn’t too drunk to walk, but he was pleasantly tipsy and his memories of the night were mostly of a few, vivid moments.

Giving in and accepting a pint only after Ianto said ‘please’ and managed to look up at him through his eyelashes, ignoring that men shouldn’t have eyelashes that full or eyes that wide and pretty. It was completely unfair, especially considering that Ianto was only two inches shorter than him.

The catcalls when Jack went up to the microphone turning into ear-splitting cheers by the end of his first song. The amazed look on Ianto’s face and the way he whispered ‘You were brilliant!’ into Jack’s ear ensured it was the first of several.

Shoving Ianto to the front of the crowd and not letting him escape until he sang a song. He was astonished by Ianto’s voice, controlled and rough at times in a way that nearly made Jack shiver. He ignored the way Ianto’s voice cracked horribly half-way through, but quietly chuckled at the young man’s painfully bright blush.

Making him blush more when he finally took off that blasted suit jacket by eyeing him up as though he wanted to tear the rest of his clothes off with it. Ianto could make waistcoats look like fetish gear.

Stumbling with Ianto to his flat, pressing him up against his door and kissing him like he was the very air Jack needed to breathe. Whispering “I’ll see you soon” against his lips. Whistling all the way back to the Hub, happier than he’d been in a long time.

[*]

Waking up the next morning was an unhappy experience. Neither immortality nor a century and a half of life had made Jack any less susceptible to hangovers, and he spent fifteen minutes lying in bed trying to piece together the night before, along with whatever bits of his brain had dribbled out of his ears.

He emerged into the Hub at ten thirty, shocked to find his team working quietly.

“Why didn’t anyone wake me up?” he murmured as softly as possible.

Owen spun in his chair and grinned. “I could have woken you up, payback for all those early morning call-ins, but I like the idea of you owing me one better.”

Tosh shot him a look that Jack barely caught with his eyes screwed up against the lights of the Hub. “The Rift was quiet, Jack. No need to wake you.” She smiled, and Jack figured it out.

“Owen autopsied the scleria creature, didn’t he?”

In the silence that followed, Lisa descended the spiral staircase from the walkways above and Gwen climbed the steps to the main platform. Jack managed to open his eyes enough to see the shifty looks on all their faces.

“Why didn’t you just tell us, Jack?” Gwen asked, her wide eyes focused on him with guilt.

“Was finding it hard to get a word in edgewise,” he answered sullenly. Then he swallowed around the horrid taste in his mouth and forced himself to stand up straight. “But I shouldn’t have needed to. You should have trusted my decision in the field, not argued with me.”

“It did  _seem_  like you shot without giving it a chance-”

“Is that a chance to boil our brains inside our skulls from its telepathy or to breathe its venom over half of Cardiff?”

Gwen looked away, arms crossed.

Jack knew he should ease off, but the feeling of betrayal was mixing with the pride he’d always had as the respected leader of the group and he wanted to say his fill. He tried to stand up straight, but stumbled and had to grab onto Owen’s desk.

Lisa stepped forward to steady him. “You didn’t have to get smashed just because we disagreed with you,” she muttered, glare softened by her remaining guilt.

Jack felt a surge of irritation. “I didn’t. I actually had a great night out.”

“You can’t have brought anyone home in that state,” Owen gestured to his hand, still white-knuckled around the medic’s workstation

Jack glared, but the pounding in his head and the bad taste in his mouth cancelled out any chance at a biting response. He growled instead and descended back to his rooms for a shower.

[*]

He watched the clock all day, but the Rift alarm went off just as he was getting ready to ‘go out for coffee’ around three. He grimaced, but the call-out required all hands on deck.

When Jack arrived at the coffee lounge at 6:45, hair disheveled and possibly sticky and the mild stab wound in his side hopefully covered by his greatcoat, he scared a few co-eds in his mad rush through the door.

“Is Ianto Jones here?” he asked one wide-eyed young lady, the least frightened-looking one at her table.

“I- I don’t know who you’re talking about, officer!” she held her hands up in defense.

Jack refrained from rolling his eyes and toned down on the demanding glare. “I’m sorry.” He made an effort to calm down and offered her and her friends a smile instead. “I’m not with the police, I’m just… late for a date.”

“Are you Jack, then?” A voice rang out from behind him. The girl he’d been questioning giggled and turned back to her friends, all of whom immediately started gossiping.

Jack came face-to-face with a thick-set man in his mid- to late-twenties, with a thick nose, bushy brown hair and an expression that was more than slightly violent. He was glaring sharply enough to cut diamond.

“Captain Jack Harkness, and you are?”

The man eyed his hand as though it were something dirty and then ignored it, for which Jack was grateful. This man looked like the sort who would try to break your fingers as a challenge, and Jack had already gotten hurt enough for one day. “I’m Mike. I’m Ianto’s friend. I’ve got one thing to say to you,  _Captain Jack Harkness_. If I hear you’ve so much as said a nasty word to Ianto I’ll smash your face in, you got that?”

Jack held the glare without flinching. “I have no intention of hurting Ianto,” he said calmly.

“Good.” ‘Mike’ continued to glare, but walked behind the counter and out of sight through a doorway.

Jack leaned back against the counter, shaking his head and taking in the shop. It was about half full, with a dozen or so students and a few other customers sipping their drinks and eating pastries. Quiet music was piped through the lounge in the background. Jack was trying to see if he could recognize the song when a quiet voice spoke at his shoulder.

“I was just informed by a colleague that my date had arrived.” Jack spun around to see a lightly smiling Ianto Jones. “Not that I’m unhappy, but I don’t recall having made any plans for this evening.”

“You still haven’t bought me that drink yet.” Realizing how that sounded, Jack cleared his throat. “I mean- it wasn’t a date yet, as much as- I was hoping-” He cleared his throat  _again_. “Ianto, would you like to go on a date with me?”

The younger man’s smile made Jack’s heart pound. “I would.”

It was a few moments later when Jack realized they were standing conspicuously at the counter. Not to mention gazing into each others eyes, and he blinked and looked away, resisting the urge to cough awkwardly. “You want to get a table?”

Ianto shook his head. “I’ve been off for an hour, just helping out. Why don’t we go get dinner, somewhere we can get someone else to serve?”

Jack offered his arm. “Where did you have in mind?”

[*]

An hour later, Jack was in a great mood. Ianto had a sarcastic and sometimes cutting sense of humor, and he really was smart. Combine that with his gray-blue eyes and penchant for ‘innocent’ expressions and Jack was feeling really glad he’d asked him out.

Ianto took a sip of the espresso he’d ordered and swallowed with difficulty. Jack laughed as he wrinkled his nose and drank some water.

“Are you one of those people who only drinks certain types of coffee?”

Ianto licked his lips, catching Jack’s eyes. “Not at all. I’m just used to the good stuff from the shop, you know? Being a barista’s just a job.”

Jack took a huge bite of his own dessert, raspberry pie, and swallowed half of it. “Then why do you do it?”

Ianto gave a mildly disgusted glance at Jack’s mouth. Jack took the hint, looking away and chewing the rest as Ianto replied.

“Money. If I spend wisely and take a lot of shifts, there’s a good bit left over every month.”

Jack nodded. “Paying your way through university?” he asked understandingly.

Ianto bit his lip. “I’m not in university.”

“Why not? You definitely seem smart enough. What do you want to do, Ianto?”

His companion looked even more shifty. Jack covered up a slight frown by taking a drink of water.

“I… I don’t really know. Obviously, I don’t want to work in a coffee shop forever, but.” He shrugged.

“Working in a coffee shop seems like a pretty nice job to me.”

Ianto looked at him defensively. Jack held up his hands. “I’m serious! Sometimes I wish I had a job that was low-stress.”

A smile cracked the younger man’s expression when he realized Jack wasn’t making fun of him. “Obviously, you’ve never actually worked in a coffee shop.”

Jack had to laugh. “No, I can’t say I have.” He felt a sense of being watched and found their waiter tapping his foot, looking at the waiting area. “We should probably clear the table,” he suggested.

Ianto nodded and reached into his coat. Jack told him to stop. “I’ve got this.”

“No!”

Jack looked up in surprise, hand already inside his wallet.

Ianto lifted his chin. “I’ll pay.”

“You said you were saving your money,” Jack remarked. When the other man’s expression grew even more stubborn, he tried a different track. “My job gives me a truly unnecessary amount of disposable income; let me spend it on something worthwhile,” he smiled.

Ianto didn’t even respond to the compliment. “We’ll both pay half.”

Realizing he wasn’t going to win the argument, Jack just shrugged. The glare Ianto gave him when he held the restaurant door open, however, implied he wasn’t forgiven.

As they walked in the direction of Ianto’s apartment (Jack was roughly aware of its location, but he had been rather drunk the last time) Jack tried to set things right.

“Your friend threatened to make my face less pretty if I hurt you,” he mentioned casually.

It seemed to work. Ianto immediately colored. “Mike? Oh God, he didn’t.”

“It was terrifying,” Jack joked, pleased at the response.

“I told him not to,” Ianto moaned. He peeked at Jack. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry; I’ve been threatened worse than that before. Sure, it’s usually a father or brother saying they’ll castrate me if I get the girl into any trouble, but something about your friend there sent shivers down my spine.”

He looked up to catch Ianto’s laugh, but found him grimacing. “What’s wrong?”

Ianto’s face cleared. “Nothing,” he said, too innocently. “You, ah. You like girls, too, then?”

“I don’t really differentiate,” Jack told him neutrally. “Is that going to be a problem?”

Ianto seemed to catch the edge in his voice, because he met Jack’s close look with surprise. “No! Not at all. I mean, I do too, I can’t really fault you, right?”

Jack hummed vaguely.

They walked in silence the rest of the way to Ianto’s building. When they reached the front door, he looked at Jack hesitantly. “Do you want some coffee?”

Jack took in his date’s twisting hands and nervous expression. Ianto wasn’t reading like someone who was offering more than just coffee. “Did you say you had a roommate?” he asked casually.

“That’s Mike; he’s usually out for a while, though,” Ianto said quickly.

“I shouldn’t push my luck,” Jack excused. It didn’t take an intergalactic-class conman to tell that Ianto was asking out of politeness and a sense of propriety, and he knew accepting would just make the younger man less comfortable.

Ianto frowned. “All right, then.” He took out his keys and went to unlock the door.

“Still,” Jack interjected. He maneuvered Ianto by his arm until they were facing each other, inches away. “I did have a great time tonight.”

“Me too,” Ianto breathed. Jack shivered as the heat of Ianto’s breath wafted over his lips. He gave in to temptation and leaned down to kiss him.

It wasn’t like their drunken kisses the night before. Jack hadn’t kissed anyone like this in a long time- slow and careful and just barely brushing their lips together until Ianto moved closer. He let Ianto have control, feeling the most unexpected hesitation on his own part as he let Ianto’s tongue slide across his lip.

When Ianto released his lips with a quiet smack, Jack squeezed his shoulder, said “Goodnight, Ianto,” and walked away, feeling truly alive for the first time in years.


	3. Part 2

 

A few hours after he returned to the Hub, the Rift opened and Jack had to call in the team. Jack picked up Gwen since her flat was on the way, and Tosh and Owen joined them at the site. What had come through appeared to be half the contents of someone’s garden. Jack considered some pore blighter in the future bemoaning the loss of his Fargni boysenberry blossoms and nearly giggled.

They spent the rest of the night removing the plants that could be detrimental to humans, wildlife or the indigenous fauna, until at five a.m. Gwen let them go home for a shift of sleep. Jack brought the contained plant samples back to the Hub for storage in the greenhouse- that really was a great idea; he was almost jealous of his team for coming up with it while he’d been gone- and set them up away from any other pots that they might react badly with. He was just descending from the glass room when the Hub alarm went off and Lisa entered.

“Good morning, Jack,” she greeted, wearing the same warm smile as every morning. “Coffee?”

Jack flashed back to Ianto’s cute look of disgust over the below-par espresso and smiled widely at Lisa. “Sure. None for the others, though. They’re coming in later.”

“Everything alright?” she called while she operated the coffee machine.

“We got some new specimens for the greenhouse. We’ve got to go out later and collect the rest, could you draw up a cover story in the meantime? Something with chemicals, to keep people away?”

“I’ll get on it. Are you sure you want coffee, then?” Lisa asked, bringing his mug over but holding it back. “If you want to catch a few hours, I could hold things down here.”

“Nah. I am full of energy!” he enthused.

Lisa gave him a strange look as she handed over the coffee, but Jack didn’t notice- he hummed as he walked into his office and got started on his paperwork.

[*]

When the others arrived around ten, Gwen called a team meeting. Jack noticeably stopped in the middle of the platform and blinked at her, then grinned again. “Be right there!”

The meeting seemed to be proceeding fine, until Owen interrupted Gwen to shout across the table, “Will you stop bein’ so bloody cheerful!” at Jack.

“Come on Owen, it wouldn’t kill you to smile,” Jack chastised, proving his words to be true by smiling widely at the doctor.

“You got just as little sleep as we did, how can you possibly be this happy?” Owen challenged, looking extremely put-out.

“Actually, Jack stayed up all morning and finished off his paperwork,” Lisa told him, smirking.

“That’s rubbish! Absolute rubbish!” the doctor cried.

Jack shook his head in an amused, fatherly manner and was about to respond when he suddenly looked in the direction of his office. “Whoops, there’s the Minister of Defense.”

None of the others could hear the phone, but they’d gotten used to Jack’s enhanced senses, so there was no objection when he stood up from the table.

“If you don’t mind, Gwen?” he asked politely.

Gwen blinked a few times. “Oh… yes, of course.”

“Be back as soon as I can,” Jack said, and dropped them a last movie-star smile before bouncing out of the conference room.

“Hurricane Jack,” Lisa commented at the shocked looks on her colleagues’ faces. Secretly, she was pleased that she’d had a few hours to get used to it that morning so that she wasn’t left staring after the captain in utter confusion.

“He asked to be excused from the meeting,” Gwen repeated, as though to verify.

“He didn’t make any jokes, or entendres, or even sarcastic comments,” Tosh said in the same voice.

“Is he  _whistling_?” Owen asked.

They all sat quietly. He was.

“What could have caused this?” Lisa mused.

“Normally I’d say he got laid, but even that couldn’t explain all this,” Owen pointed out.

“He seems… happy,” Gwen summed up. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this, have any of you?”

“When he found that hand in the jar he was whistling, but he wasn’t this smiley,” Tosh told them.

“The last few days he’s been… I don’t even know,” Gwen gave up.

“What could have caused it?”

[*]

Jack’s chipper mood continued through the day, even when Gwen sent him out on weeding duty. Tosh was becoming thoroughly weirded out by his cheerfulness, which didn’t seem to be rubbing off on her, if her constant yawning was anything to go by.

“Ooh, tiger lillies from that green planet out past Choforum,” Jack exclaimed, pulling the mentioned blooms from the ground. “What was it called, it started with a Fnt sound, I remember that. You know Tosh, these are really your color. We should get a vase and put them on your desk, and-”

“Jack!” Tosh interrupted when she simply could not take any more. “Do any of these plants have, say, pollen or anything, that would induce euphoria?”

Jack frowned as he thought. “I don’t think so,” he said after a minute. “Why do you ask?”

“You just seem… really, peppy today,” she told him.

Jack grinned. “I’m happy and the first thing you think of is alien interference?” he clarified. “I never knew I was such a downer.”

“It’s not like that,” Tosh tried to explain. “You’re usually all right, it’s just, today you seem, well…”

“High.”

“A little.”

Smiling, Jack crouched down to pull another weed. This one, he didn’t rhapsodize about, but instead tossed into the dumpster they’d appropriated. “It’s a warm, sunny day in Cardiff. What’s not to like?” he asked, looking directly at her.

Tosh had known her boss long enough to recognize when a line of questioning had reached its end. She acquiesced and continued pulling plants out of the ground in silence.

However, it didn’t take too long for her to remember her current grudge. Jack had run out on them and left them in such trouble because of moments like this, where he’d kept a secret and they’d not pushed, and just because he wanted to keep an air of mystery. Feeling a surge of righteous anger well up inside, Tosh walked over to the area Jack was weeding.

“Are you sure that’s all it is?” she questioned.

Jack looked up, as though he could sense the difference in her. “You really want to know?” he raised his eyebrows.

She hesitated for a moment, feeling a bit rude, before pushing on through. “If it’s made you this happy, it must be good to hear about,” she said, almost justifying it to herself.

A smile she had rarely seen before spread across his face. It wasn’t dirty or flirtatious, or even kind or joking. It was fond, joyful… happy.

“I had a date.”

Tosh blinked. “What?”

Jack smiled. “You know, dinner, drinks- well, not drinks drinks, but coffee. He didn’t like it, does that mean it doesn’t count?” he frowned.

“You… had a date?” she repeated.

Jack nodded. “I suppose it could have gone better at the end,” he admitted, “but I’ve got a really good feeling.”

“We all thought…” she trailed off.

“What did you think?” Jack asked, looking a little concerned.

“We didn’t really know what to think,” Tosh shrugged. “Gwen guessed you’d won the lotto, Lisa said you’d found a place that does cheap tanning,” Jack made a face, “and Owen figured the Doctor had asked you to go with him again.”

Tosh froze for a moment, shocked that she’d actually managed to vocalize the same comment that had ended all jokes on the matter earlier.

Jack had the same reaction, before looking at her very seriously. “I told you guys. I came back for all of you. I’m not leaving again.”

Tosh nodded awkwardly and went back to dragging alien flowers out of the ground of Cardiff.

[*]

When Tosh and Jack arrived, the former headed casually to her station and began working. The moment Jack’s door closed, with the curtains already down, she winked at Lisa across the Hub, who grabbed Gwen’s arm, and they hurried to the couch while Tosh fetched Owen.

“He had a date,” she murmured, glancing toward the office for safety.

“A  _date_?” Gwen’s face was a picture.

“That doesn’t make sense, he pulls all the time, I’ve seen him at the clubs,” Owen scowled jealously.

“A  _real_  date Owen,” the Japanese tech explained. “They went out for a meal together.”

Lisa grinned. “Ah, that’s gotta be coffee shop guy,” she nodded knowingly.

The others immediately crowded around her. “Spill all!” Owen demanded. “Who’s coffee shop guy?”

“I don’t know much,” Lisa admitted. “All I know is it’s him who got Jack to swallow his pride and apologize to us all.”

“This man made Jack apologize and whistle?” Tosh looked impressed. “He must be really something!”

“Has Jack checked him out, you know, criminal records and such?” Gwen inquired. At strange looks from the other three, raised her eyebrows. “Don’t think I didn’t know you looked up Rhys when I was hired, I did work for the police you know.”

Lisa shrugged. “It’s Jack,” she said as though it were self-explanatory. “Who could trick him?”

At that moment the door to Jack’s office swung open and the captain stepped out. All four heads turned to face him as one.

Jack stopped. He tried to smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “This is either a surprise party or an intervention,” he joked.

“We were just discussing…” Tosh floundered.

“The autopsy I just finished,” Owen spoke up. He gestured down at the medical bay.

Jack looked down at the autopsy table. “The one on the Weevil?” he said skeptically.

“Yeah. Found loads of interesting stuff in its stomach,” the doctor replied.

“Riveting,” interjected Lisa.

Jack nodded slowly, looking them all over. “Well… good to see a team so dedicated to communication.” He stepped by them, keeping an eye in their direction as he went.

“Where are you going, Jack?” Tosh asked, managing to sound completely innocent.

“Just out and about,” he replied casually. “You know, breathe the night air.”

“That sounds wonderful,” Gwen said enthusiastically.

Jack gave her an odd look. “Yeah… well, I’ll see you all tomorrow.” He stepped onto the invisible lift and started it with his wristband.

The team waved.

As soon as Jack was out of sight they released a collective sigh.

“That was painful,” Lisa summed up.

“Let’s never do it again,” Owen agreed.

“Where’s he going?” Gwen asked.

They all rushed over to Tosh’s terminal, where she pulled up the CCTV around the Hub. “He’s in the garage!” She maximized the video once she found the correct camera.

“What’s he doing?”

“I don’t know,” Tosh tried to manipulate the video. “There’s nothing in that area except the dumpster full of alien plants we just pulled.”

A few moments later, the figure of their captain walked back on screen, carrying a clump of blooms in one hand and tying something around the stems with the other.

“He’s making a bouquet,” Gwen realized.

“That is so romantic!” Lisa enthused.

“Lame!” Owen decided, heading back to his station. “I have officially lost interest!”

Tosh scowled at the retreating back of the doctor before closing the screen.

“As much fun as it is to spy on Jack’s romantic side, I have to get home,” Gwen announced. “Tosh- if you have any extra time- try to see what they get up to?”

“You don’t think that’s going a bit far?” the tech asked

“Do you remember when I was going out with Austin and Jack went to his work and asked him about our relationship?” Lisa pointed out. At Tosh’s nod, she smiled evilly. “I think this is fair recompense. Spy away, double-oh Tosh!”

[*]

Ianto didn’t seem to like the flowers.

He’d smiled when Jack presented them, but it was a pinched sort of affair that meant Jack had made a severe error in judgment. They laid on top of the table in the coffee shop where Jack and Ianto sat with their respective mugs, metaphorically wilting with each passing second.

“So the flowers were a no,” Jack guessed.

“You figured that out, did you?” Ianto muttered into his coffee.

Jack blinked, feeling abruptly offended. Still, he considered, he hadn’t tried this dating thing for a few decades. Maybe he’d made a misstep. Were flowers not proper for a second date in the twenty-first century? He’d been to planets where the culture required specific rituals to be followed for the first year of a couple’s life together.

“Should I have brought chocolates instead?” he tried.

“I’m not a girl, Jack!” Ianto said venomously, eyes blazing. His hand around the coffee mug showed nearly white knuckles.

Jack leaned back in his chair. “Okay there Ianto, calm down!” He looked at the other man, mystified. “I didn’t mean to insult your masculinity, or whatever I did.”

Ianto nearly glared a hole in the table, Jack looking on in confusion, before he sighed heavily. “I’m sorry, Jack, it’s been a very stressful day.” He rubbed his forehead with the hand that wasn’t on his coffee.

Jack stood up quietly and moved behind him. He flexed his fingers, then put his hands palm-down on Ianto’s shoulders.

He didn’t expect the Welshman to jump dramatically, spilling some of his coffee on the table and jerking the chair. “What the hell are you doing?”

Jack’s temper flared. “You looked tense, I was going to give you a shoulder massage,” he ground out. “Unless you think that would make you less of a man,” he said sarcastically.

Ianto stood up from the chair to face him, making the chair screech on the floor. He was only a few inches shorter than Jack and the bottled rage in his blue eyes reminded Jack forcefully for a moment of John Hart.

That was enough warning. Jack could tell when a situation was coming to a head, and this argument wasn’t worth being their first. “Look, I’m sorry,” he relented. “I should have warned you. I just wanted to relax you a bit before we went out.”

It took a few seconds for Ianto’s jaw to release its tension. “I don’t think I’m in the right frame of mind to go on a date tonight,” he admitted.

Jack pursed his lips and nodded. “Fine.” Then, because he didn’t want to end it like that, “Should I come in tomorrow?”

Ianto looked down at the floor for a long moment, then looked back up. He gave Jack his first real smile of the evening, even if it was weak. “Yes, definitely. I’m sorry I’m so crabby tonight.”

Jack tried to smile back and kissed Ianto lightly on the cheek before he left.

[*]

Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to call the next day. A mating pair of some squirrel-like creature Jack had never encountered before must have come through the Rift at some point and their offspring had just reached critical mass. Under Gwen’s direction, the team captured one of the aliens and tested it for sentience. When they discovered the beings were about as intelligent as a seagull (with the disposition to match) , Owen synthesized a highly fatal virus and injected the captive, letting it out into the population to spread.

Jack had expected Gwen to be against the decision, but she made the call before he even had to suggest it. Lisa was the one who railed for another solution, who had to be convinced, who shouted and stormed out while Tosh followed and Owen watched and Gwen just kept working.

Jack felt guilty for having hardened Gwen’s heart by leaving her in charge of Torchwood, even for recruiting her. That was before he found her at the Hub at five in the morning, muffling her tears as she watched the death throes of the blue squirrel-like aliens on her monitor.

Jack pulled her away from the screen and let her cry it out on the couch, feeling absurdly grateful that she was broken in this way and not one that was infinitely worse.

They fielded the calls of the police and organized the clean-up and disposal of the bodies. Owen determined that their meat was ideal for the digestive systems of pigs, but he had enough tact to say it when Lisa wasn’t present.

After working for around thirty straight hours, Jack was moderately tired. He usually slept every third day, but in between he rested by reading or watching movies. Once the latest disaster had cooled off and only Gwen and Tosh were required for the clean-up, Jack nodded off with Gwen at four and found himself heading for the coffee shop instead of retiring to his bunker.

The coffeehouse was nearly empty, most people staying indoors until authorities announced that all the squirrels had been dealt with (the official cover story was that it was a prank by fans of the Cardiff Blues. Gwen had been proud of that until Owen answered with, “And the Welsh will be gullible enough to believe it!”). Ianto was reading a book behind the counter and looked up when he walked in.

“You’re a day late,” he said casually when Jack was leaned against the counter. “I thought I’d scared you off the other night. I wanted to apologize about that, I’d gotten a call from my sister and that always puts me in a rotten mood.” He gave Jack an apologetic look which the captain waved off.

“It wasn’t that. I figure we all have off days; I hope you won’t get to see mine for a while,” he joked.

Ianto smiled. “Then where have you been?”

“It’s been busy at work.”

“Too busy to call?” Ianto said curiously.

Jack nodded tightly. “My office was helping organize the squirrel clean-up.”

“Oh God, I forgive you,” Ianto winced. “Whoever came up with that had too much spirit and not enough sense, I say. But this is Cardiff, we’re used to the odd stuff.”

“Still interested in that date?” Jack asked hopefully.

“I’m on my shift, but…” Ianto glanced around the shop, counting the three customers who were lounged about the chairs. “I’ll cut off, just this once. Make Mike do some real work for a change,” he grinned. He tore off his apron and headed to the rooms behind the counter.

A minute later, the burly man who had threatened Jack several days before emerged behind Ianto, wrapped in a straining apron with the shop’s logo emblazoned on the front. He gave Jack a death glare as he hurried out the door with Ianto.

“Did you have any place in mind?” Ianto asked as they ambled down the street.

Jack shrugged. “They say a movie’s usually a good bet on a date.”

“Movie it is, then,” Ianto said with approval. “There’s a new alien movie I’ve been meaning to see.”

Jack scowled and resigned himself to two hours of boredom, hopefully with some dark-theatre snogging if he was lucky. To his delight, not only were they the only people in the theatre after the squirrel scare, but the reason Ianto wanted to watch the movie was to keep up a running commentary on the various plot holes and physics-defying visual effects. It was so much fun that Jack didn’t even regret not getting to snog Ianto in the theatre.

[*]

After the film they walked around until they found a promising-looking restaurant. They ordered dinner and the conversation flowed effortlessly. It was an hour later when Jack realized they’d been talking about nothing in particular, just whatever random thing was brought up. It was such a novel experience for him to just chat with someone. Most of the people Jack talked to knew what he did and did something like it themselves, and the few he managed to have conversations with that didn’t involve aliens were intellectuals or academics and the discussions were mentally exhausting. At the end of dinner with Ianto Jack had tripled his knowledge on rugby (not that there was much to begin with), told a story about a boyfriend of his who had stolen his car (spaceship) when they’d broken up and promptly crashed it, and learned about Ianto’s various jobs when he was drifting around in London.

The best part was that Jack hadn’t had to hide himself at all. He still watched what he said, of course, since Ianto didn’t know about Torchwood. But he’d been free to joke and talk and listen and there was no need to worry about whether anyone was going to push him for any more information.

At one point Jack had nearly mentioned the Doctor, and his stutter-stop in the middle of a sentence had left it very clear he was hiding something. Ianto just smiled and let him continue on. He asked tough questions, like ‘where are you from’ and ‘do you have any brothers or sisters’, but he allowed Jack his vague answers and brush-offs and he didn’t pry.

There were a few pauses in Ianto’s own narratives that made Jack wonder if Ianto was allowing him his secrets out of an understanding inner nature, or because he was hiding secrets of his own.

Once they’d finished their food (with only a few other diners, there was no waiter to shoo them off this time) they ended up walking along the Bay, holding hands in silence. Jack had felt totally comfortable with this until he realized what exactly it was he was doing. Ianto seemed to sense his discomfort just as it arrived because he let go of Jack’s hand and broke the silence.

“I’d invite you back to my flat, except Mike’s having some friends over this evening. Is yours near here?”

Jack blinked. “Uh, my flat,” he thought quickly, “it’s… being renovated. I’m staying at this place near my work.” It was at least partially the truth, right?

Ianto made a face. “I’ve done that. Lived above a boutique I worked in for a few months, back in London. Hated it.”

“Why?” Jack asked. He’d always found living near the Hub comforting.

“First of all, there was no commute. Which meant if I didn’t have anywhere to go, I’d find myself not breathing the open air for days.”

Jack remembered a few times when he’d stayed in the Hub for an entire week if the Rift was quiet.

“Secondly, there’s no separation from work. When I was off shift, the others would come up all the time to ask where something was, or how much of this or that did we have in stock. It was infuriating.”

Jack frowned, thinking of various employees knocking on his hatch while he read a book in his bunker.

“And lastly, I need my own space. At work, I have to be polite to customers, when I get home I just want to be me, you know?”

Jack’s head snapped up. “Yeah, I think I know what you mean.” On instinct, he leaned forward and kissed Ianto.

When they broke apart, the Welshman chuckled. “What was that for?”

“For being smarter than me,” Jack told him.

Ianto raised an eyebrow. “I haven’t known you for too long, Jack, but I get the feeling I should remember this moment.”

“I think you’re right,” Jack replied, and kissed him again.

[*]

Jack leaving in the middle of the afternoon had sparked Gwen’s interest. She pulled up the CCTV network and followed him to the coffee shop, and then to the movie theatre afterwards, keeping one eye on the footage while she liaised with the police, fended off UNIT and made arrangements with the RSPCA. A large part of Gwen wanted to give Jack his position back just so that  _he_  could handle the bureaucratic nightmares.

Owen came up behind her while Jack and his date were in the movie theatre. After he’d been chastised for startling her, and he’d insulted her and she’d insulted him back, she asked what he was still doing at the Hub so late.

“Was writing up my medical report on the blue alien squirrels for the archives as per regulation, esteemed lady,” he said with a mock bow.

Gwen rolled her eyes.

“And why are you watching CCTV of a movie theatre?” he inquired back,

“Jack’s in there,” she replied.

Owen gave her a wary look. “You’re not still on about him, are you?” he asked. “Because it was good enough when it was just us, but you’re engaged now-”

“Thanks for that,” she cut him off hurriedly. “I’m only stalking him, nothing bad.”

They were silent a moment, Owen obviously trying not to smile. He settled on asking, “So what’ve you found out?”

“I thought you had lost all interest,” she sniped.

The medic pulled up a spare chair. “I wasn’t interested in  _flowers_ ,” he specified. “I’ve always been interested in finding out more about our mysterious captain.”

Gwen spent a split second noticing the place where Owen would have said ‘leader’ a few months ago, but put it out of her mind. “The man he’s going with is very fit,” she gossiped. “Even looks a bit young for Jack, I’d say.”

Owen snorted. “Did you forget the part where he’s immortal and over a hundred years old? The Queen’s too young for him.”

“You know what I mean.” She pulled up the footage from the coffee shop and focused on the young man.

“That’s a sharp suit to work in a shop, wonder who he’s tryin’ to impress.”

“Some people take pride in the way they look, Owen.”

“Whatever. What’s ‘is name?”

Gwen bit her lip. “I didn’t look it up. I thought it was maybe too intrusive?”

Owen shoved her arms aside and pulled up the facial recognition software. “If you’re going to stalk your boss, sweetheart, at least do it right.”

The software worked as quickly as ever, zipping through the entire database of UK faces. In the end, there were fifteen possible matches, none of which were Ianto.

Owen and Gwen looked at each other. “Tosh!” they called out simultaneously.

The tech expert jumped in her seat on the platform. As usual, she’d been so focused on her own work that she’d completely missed their conversation. “What is it?”

“Could use your help with a trace,” Gwen informed her.

Within few seconds the facial recognition search had been loaded from her computer to Toshiko’s.

“You’re looking at Jack’s boyfriend?” she asked. “That’s not a bit intrusive?”

Gwen elbowed Owen hard in the ribs. “Uh, he’s not showing up on the search!” the doctor called out. “Some sort of glitch in the software, Toshie?”

Just as he’d planned it, the possible slight to her program made Tosh completely forget about the moral dilemma. She began typing madly and Owen held his fist under the table. Gwen rolled her eyes, but bumped it. Fair was fair, after all.

“I’ve got it!” Tosh called. “Ianto Jones, twenty-five, born in Cardiff.”

“Why didn’t it come up on the search, Tosh?”

Tosh’s eyes narrowed behind her glasses. “I’m not sure,” she said, sounding a bit ashamed. “I found him easily enough in the records of the coffee shop Jack’s been frequenting, but there’s still nothing from the Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency.” She frowned and tapped her pen against her chin. “I’ll look into it. But I do have quite a few things in line before that and the program is usually very reliable.”

Owen had pulled up the young man on Gwen’s computer. “Ianto Jones, twenty-five, whatever, whatev- born Hilary Jones?” he exclaimed.

“Isn’t that a girl’s name?” Gwen asked, head titling to the side.

“No…” Tosh read from her screen. “Apparently, it’s historically a male name that’s only become popular as a female name in the last hundred years or so.”

“I see why he changed it,” Owen said sympathetically. “Poor bloke. Some parents just don’t think.”

“Minor conviction for shoplifting in his teens, clean since then. Good credit rating- Tosh, since when does this hack into credit reports?” Gwen looked at the tech above her monitor.

Toshiko grinned. “I had a free night.”

Owen made a comment about Tosh being scary, but Gwen missed hearing it. “Oh, they’ve left the theatre!” She pulled up the CCTV screen, and found Ianto Jones and Jack walking by the bay. “Look at them, they’re holding hands!” she cooed.

“That’s my cue to leave,” Owen announced. “See you tomorrow Tosh, lady captain.”

Gwen swatted at him, but he was already out of reach.

“Actually, I’m leaving as well Gwen,” Tosh said, shutting off her monitors and stepped down the platform. “Tell me if anything interesting happens, all right?”

“Of course,” Gwen promised.

She barely heard the alarm going off as the cog wheel door closed behind Toshiko. Gwen was watching her friend’s hand swinging with Ianto Jones’. When she focused the camera she discovered a carefree expression on his face that she’d never seen before. She had to blink a few times before realizing that Jack  _could_  look that relaxed and tranquil.

When the two men stopped walking and spoke for a minute. Gwen wished she knew how to operate Tosh’s lip-reading software. Then she shook her head. This spying business was going a bit too far. She made to close out the window, but the next moments made her freeze.

Jack leaned in to kiss Ianto, his expression hard and yet rapt. He kissed Ianto again, and this time the two men melted together, holding each other so close that their heavy coats were the only things between them. Gwen had to make herself start breathing again. Owen could make fun of romance all he wanted, but watching Jack kiss someone like that, on a moonlit pier… Gwen closed the window and sat back in her chair.

She was still sitting there twenty minutes later when the cog wheel door opened, setting of the entry alarm. Her jump of fright made her spill a few files on the floor, and she was picking them up when Jack walked in.

“Gwen? It’s nearly ten. What are you still doing here?”

“Oh, just finishing up the paperwork on the blue squirrels.” She glanced at her desk. “Or trying to, at least.”

Jack cracked a grin. “One of the downsides to being the boss,” he quipped.

“It’s not the only one,” she muttered to herself.

Jack nodded at her thoughtfully. “Hey, do you know of any flats for sale in the area?”

She blinked, somehow only just realizing how much she’d rather be in bed at that moment. “What? Why?”

“I’m thinking of buying one.”

“You? You’re goin’ to- what about that room over there?” she pointed vaguely under his office.

Jack frowned. “I was thinking. If I’m really going to stay with Torchwood, I might as well be comfortable. I don’t have to be here all the time now,” he said, and Gwen got the impression he was mostly talking to himself. “I’m not waiting anymore.”

“I’ll keep an eye out,” she said softly. He nodded, although she doubted he’d heard what she said, and she got up to leave. “Good night, Jack.”

“Good night Gwen.”

Gwen weighed her tiredness against her thoughts and wondered which would win out that night.

[*]

Gwen had been unusually quiet at the morning meeting today, instructing them all and then returning to her desk to work in silence. Tosh, Owen and Lisa had noticed, and as soon as Jack left at quarter to five they pounced.

“Something happened last night!” Tosh guessed, at Gwen’s side the moment the cog wheel door closed.

“Wait, last night?” Lisa looked at Tosh in confusion. “I thought this was about Jack.”

“PC Cooper here took it upon herself to stalk Jack’s date on the CCTV network.”

“Thanks for making it sound so wholesome, Owen.”

“What would you call it then?”

“I was looking up his date!” Gwen defended. “He might have been dangerous.”

Owen nodded sagely. “So you were just being a good friend. It had nothing to do with your voyeuristic tendencies?”

“Owen, I’ll-”

“Did you find anything?” Lisa interrupted the beginnings of the shouting match.

“He’s clean,” Tosh told her. “Ianto Jones, twenty-five. Looks like a perfectly normal man.”

“Ianto Jones?” Lisa repeated, lips turning down at the corners. “Is… is that a common name?”

“In Wales, yeah, it is,” Gwen answered. “Why?”

“I knew someone with that name in London. I’m sure it’s not the same person.” She shook her head.

“So what’s got you so distracted today, Cooper?” Owen moved on. “You get footage from this Jones bloke’s bedroom?”

Gwen reached out and whacked Owen’s shoulder, causing him to shout and try to shove her back. When they calmed down a minute later, Gwen answered, still scowling. “It’s nothing like that. It’s just something Jack said. He asked me if I knew any flats going up in the area.”

Owen made a face at her. “Is that it?”

“Did he mean it?” Tosh asked intensely.

Owen turned to look in the tech’s direction. “What’s that supposed to mean, did he mean what?”

“It means he’s settling down,” Lisa explained, round-eyed. “He’s not leaving again.”

“It  _seemed_  like he meant it,” Gwen said softly, replaying the conversation in her head for the thousandth time that day. Along with that came the black and white CCTV images of Jack’s hands cupping Ianto’s neck gently as they kissed.

Then she remembered him hugging Lisa when her memories of Canary Wharf got to be too much. Coaxing Tosh away from her monitors with a fond smile and a gentle hand when she stayed in the Hub too late. Joking with Owen to distract him from the pain as he stitched up a wound the medic couldn’t fix by himself. She remembered how proudly he’d looked at her when he made her second-in-command.

“We can’t be sure,” she said firmly. She looked into the eyes of each of her teammates. “It didn’t seem like he was about to run off last time, did he?”

“’s a fair point,” Owen agreed. “This is probably just his latest phase. He’ll shag the kid and get it out of his system.”

“Don’t you trust him?” Tosh asked of them. “He said he got what he needed from the Doctor. He promised he wasn’t leaving us again.”

“And he could backslide the moment his happy relationship’s over, and we’ve seen how much responsibility matters to ‘im,” Owen growled. “We can’t trust him yet.”

“It’s not like we can decide this tonight, is it?” Lisa pointed out. “We’ll keep watching,” she suggested. “See how it develops. Maybe it’s a fling and he’ll dump coffee guy tomorrow. And maybe this is what’ll get Jack to stay in Cardiff for good.”

Gwen agreed and announced it was time to go home. She assigned Owen to be on call for the night. As she left, though, she couldn’t help the doubt that crept through her mind.


	4. Part 3

A hundred years in Cardiff and Jack had never seen a rugby match. Various members of Torchwood had teased him about it over the years, bit if he was pressed, he’d say he didn’t want to go see a rugby game. That wasn't a lie, but it was misleading, because it implied that he had no interest in the proceedings, which he most certainly did.

Jack’s birth colony wasn’t large enough to have professional sports teams, but later in his life he’d lived in cities where sporting events had been a staple of life. Nothing was more exhilarating to a young man from a middle-of-nowhere colony, a little fish on a big planet, than to be a part of a huge crowd, joined by screaming and cheering and jumping up and down and throwing things in the air. Nothing felt more like belonging than turning to the stranger beside you and receiving a huge bear hug just because you were there.

For a hundred years, Jack had avoided belonging.

He’d had Torchwood, to pass his time. He’d had lovers, oh he’d certainly had lovers. He’d even fallen in love, had children, gotten married. But even that was acceptable, because they’d be gone by the time the Doctor arrived, or if not, he could take them with him, to travel the stars.

Because he was always going to leave, return to those stars. He didn’t want to get tied down in one place, one time. Getting too attached to Cardiff, to the accents, the pale faces and black hair, the good-natured residents who didn’t even need to be retconned half the time because they’d just wave it off with a ‘bloody Torchwood’… that would mean staying. Sports were a direct line to the heart of the culture, and since Jack would never be one of them, why should he allow himself to become immersed in them, to care about something to which he could never truly belong?

Considering how much time and energy he’d put into avoiding rugby in the past, he probably should have been more concerned that all it took was fifteen seconds sustained pouting from the blue-gray eyes and light pink lips of one Ianto Jones to make him change his mind.

[*]

“So what do you think?” Ianto was practically bouncing as they walked down one of the main shopping districts in downtown Cardiff. The adrenaline from the Blues’ win was still bringing up a heavy blush in Ianto’s round cheeks and down his neck. Jack licked his lips whenever he looked at it too closely.

“It was a lot of fun,” Jack smiled. Then he let a few extra teeth show. “What’s not to like watching thirty buff men in shorts drag each other to the ground?”

A pang of fear shot through him for an instant when Jack remembered that people in the twenty-first century didn’t usually like it if you ogled other people during dates. But Ianto only beamed.

“I can’t believe you’ve never gone to see a game before!” he gushed as they got onto the bus that would take them back to Ianto’s flat. It was a morning game on a Saturday and Ianto had the weekend off from the coffee shop, so they planned to cook themselves lunch instead of going out.

Jack smiled fondly at Ianto’s face-splitting grin. They’d been dating for a few weeks, but this was still one of the few times Jack had ever seen him act his age. Most of the time Ianto was witty, calm and confident. Besides today’s exhibition of shouting at the rugby pitch and a few isolated grouchy times, Ianto acted as mature as someone with another ten years on them. Jack often forgot he was only twenty-five.

“I guess I was just waiting for the right person to take me there,” he said casually.

Ianto’s entire face flushed red, and Jack’s laugh could be heard from the other end of the bus.

[*]

“Do you know how long the pasta’s meant to boil for?”

Jack chuckled. Ianto had been sounding increasingly panicked over the last five minutes as he shouted from the kitchen. Jack had left, supposedly to use the toilet, but actually to sneak around Ianto’s flat. He’d identified Mike’s room and avoided it, but he’d taken note of Ianto’s favorite bands and authors from the alphabetically organized shelves of CDs and books.

“Jack! Should I take it off the burner now?”

The captain returned to the kitchen in time to sprint the last few steps and slide the nearly overflowing pot away from the stove flame. He quickly switched off the burner.

Ianto looked up at him through his eyelashes. “I did mention this was my first time cooking pasta, didn’t I?” He shifted awkwardly and suddenly found Jack’s boots to be very intriguing.

Jack laughed. “I should tell you about the time I tried to bake my own meat pie!”

Ianto looked up again and smiled, then went to reach for the vegetables that were steaming. As he started to tell his story, Jack became side-tracked by the soft skin of Ianto’s neck. He interrupted his own sentence to step forward and let his breath travel along the creamy skin.

Ianto turned his head toward Jack. “What are you doing?” he asked in amusement.

Jack lightly settled his hands on Ianto’s biceps, then dipped his head and let his lips trail from the collar of Ianto’s polo shirt towards his ear. He could hear Ianto’s breath becoming more labored as he moved upwards.

“Jack…” he murmured, allowing the captain to tilt his head and expose more skin.

Jack delicately traced an earlobe with the edge of his tongue, rubbing his hands over Ianto’s shirt as he slid them down his back. He lightly sucked the lobe into his mouth and brushed over it with his teeth as his hands curled forward to the Welshman’s waist.

Ianto gasped and stepped forward, nearly crashing into the counter as he spun around. Jack noted his blown pupils and his mildly heaving chest even as the younger man’s hands came up between them.

“I don’t think that was in the recipe,” he joked, eyes dancing away from Jack’s face.

“I always like creativity when I’m cooking,” Jack said with the air of someone telling a secret. “Don’t you, Ianto?”

Ianto’s blue-gray eyes came up to meet Jack’s again, skipping from one to the other like they couldn’t decide where to focus. Jack took great pleasure in watching them go cross-eyed as he slipped one hand along Ianto’s soft jaw to pull him into a kiss.

The younger man stepped closer to Jack and held him by the waist. A single breath glided over Jack’s tongue before they slowly came together.

Jack tried to move them back to the counter so he could lean on Ianto, but the message didn’t seem to get across. They remained standing in the kitchen, peacefully trading kisses, until the slam of the front door startled them.

Ianto stepped back with a last lick into Jack’s mouth and turned back to the meal, which was mostly done cooking. He took tableware out of a cupboard and was portioning out lunch when heavy boots clomped down the long hallway into the kitchen.

Mike wore a long-sleeved Cardiff Blues t-shirt and thick jeans. He walked past Jack to sit at the table, and the captain caught a heavy whiff of lager. The presence of alcohol didn’t make Jack feel particularly comfortable, since the six-foot two, heavy-set man was glaring at him just as darkly as he did every time they encountered each other.

“I thought you were planning to be out all day?” Ianto questioned his flatmate.

“Nah, was just watchin’ the match with the old gang,” he replied, obviously at least buzzed if his thickened accent was to be trusted.

Jack forced a charming smile. “We just came from the stadium.”

Mike glanced at him. “Was a good match,” he nodded firmly.

“It was my first,” Jack told him.

The other man did not look impressed. “Good job there Ianto, pickin’ up a bloody foreigner,” he spat. “Bet he though it was all like football or sommat. You couldn’t at least find a good Welsh lad?”

Jack bristled, but Ianto just sounded amused. “You’re not my mother,” he said over his shoulder. “You want some lunch?”

“I’m not eatin’ with the likes of ‘im,” he threw Jack another nasty look. “Fairy’s probably contagious, I don’t wanna catch any of that.”

Ianto spun around. “Jack, could you wait in the living room?”

Jack’s first instinct was to defend himself, and Ianto by proxy. He’d heard more than enough homophobic comments in the decades he’d lived and usually let them roll off, but he wouldn’t stand for someone degrading Ianto right in front of him. But the Welshman’s steely eyes told him without any reservation that his assistance would not be needed. Jack gave Mike a last hard look as he left the kitchen, closing the door behind him.

The downside was that the living room was on the other side of the flat, too far away to hear anything that transpired. While a large part of Jack wanted to eavesdrop, he gritted his teeth, walked to the living room, and began the difficult task of letting someone else fight for him.

[*]

Ianto waited until the sound of Jack walking away faded before he spoke. “How dare you?”

Mike ignored the suppressed rage in his voice and leaned forward. “I’m tryin’ to protect myself Ianto! And you! I don’t want any fairy dust rubbin’ off on you, make you queer!”

“He is my boyfriend, Mike! That means I’m already queer!” He couldn’t help raising his voice, but he winced when he realized Jack would probably have heard the comment, even from the living room.

“You’re not gay, Ianto, not really,” Mike said earnestly. He stood up, wobbling, and Ianto knew he wasn’t entirely in control of himself. That didn’t mean what he said wasn’t how he really felt, though.

“I thought you were supporting me,” he said shakily, voice quiet but rough. “You said you accepted me just as I am.”

“I do!” Mike insisted. “Haven’t I stood up for you since we met? Aren’t I here now, not scared of bein’ near you like the others?”

“Then why are you saying these things about Jack?” Ianto hissed.

Mike’s face looked pained. “‘Cause… you like birds too, right? So why can’t you just find a girl? Then you’d be a little bit normal, at least.”

Ianto felt his face flame up. “I want to be with Jack!” he said as firmly as he could, fists clenching at his sides.

“But you’re not gay, isn’t that what you’ve always said?” Mike fired back, half-shouting. “Not to mention, he’s too old for you.”

“I don’t care about that!”

“I’m just tryin’ to show you the truth, Ianto,” his friend insisted, waving his arms in emphasis. “I’m just… I’m tellin’ you what I see. That’s it! You’re my mate, Ianto, I want you to be happy!”

“Jack’s not the one making me unhappy right now, Mike. That’s you!” Ianto jabbed the air at his flatmate.

Mike stared for several long moments, tongue working inside his cheeks. Then a black look came over his face. “Do you think he cares about you?” he said intensely. “Do you think he’ll stay with you when he finds out who you really are?”

“Ianto Jones is who I really am!” He could feel the effort involved with keeping his voice low making his face bright red.

“Oh yeah?” Mike sneered. “Then why haven’t you got a new driver’s license since you changed your name? Why haven’t you visited your sister?” He stepped closer to Ianto. “Are you ashamed of bein’ Hilary? My best mate since Year Ten, are you ashamed?”

“Fuck you.” Ianto shoved Mike backwards, hard. He was trembling with rage, but it couldn’t compare with the turmoil inside. He’d spent years accepting who he was, coming to terms with the fact that he was different from everyone he knew in a way that they would never accept. He hadn’t even told his sister and her husband that he’d legally changed his name or started living as a man. Mike was the only person who’d stood by him the whole time, the only one he’d been able to count on, but Ianto couldn’t allow his friend to tear down everything that he’d accomplished.

“Get out.” He pointed at the door to the kitchen.

“What?” Mike said loudly.

“I said get out!” he ordered, his whole body shaking. “Get out until you’re sobered up and ready to beg your way back in!”

Mike stood tall for nearly half a minute, dark eyes burning as they fought Ianto’s glare. Then, without a word, he stormed out of the kitchen.

[*]

The next day, Torchwood was called by the police to investigate a highly unusual break-in, and the next few days were filled with explosions, murder and tears. Gwen allowed Jack to use the mind probe on a young woman who turned out to be a sleeper agent, and after that it was a race against time to stop the others in her cell. This time, he remembered to call Ianto to say he wouldn’t be in contact for a while, but didn’t have time to explain thanks to the murder of the Leader of the City Council.

Jack bled out internally in the Range Rover: his skin healed fast enough to keep his blood from spilling, but the organs were already too damaged. Luckily, Gwen was able to keep Beth talking so the woman didn’t realize that he wasn’t just dozing off.

Just when they’d thought it was all over, Beth had emerged from the conference room holding the alien weapon in her arm to Lisa’s throat. When it looked like she was about to kill Lisa, they’d had no choice but to shoot, ignoring Lisa’s protests that Beth didn’t mean her any harm.

Afterwards, Lisa had been nearly inconsolable. Jack brought her outside so she could cry in the relative privacy of the empty Plas.

“I know she wasn’t going to hurt me, Jack,” Lisa sobbed into his shoulder. “She was so afraid it would come back, she just wanted everyone to be safe!”

Jack said nothing. He held her and let her talk until the tears stopped coming.

“It wasn’t like this in London,” she said hollowly after a while.

Jack didn’t respond, but she must have guessed what he was thinking, because she looked up at him with her puffy eyes and tried to smile. “Alright, fine, I’m sure it was. But I never saw it. I never had to watch when an innocent woman was shot down by the good guys.” She sniffed and Jack held her tighter.

“She was brave,” Jack said firmly. “She was trying to protect the planet, just like we are.”

“But she didn’t have to, the cryogenics would have worked! There was a way!” Lisa shook her head and wiped her cheeks again. “I want… I want a drink,” she said at last.

Jack smiled warily. “You’re not going to follow Owen’s lead, are you?” he said, half-joking.

“No. I want to go to a club and order some drink with a stupid name and dance until I’m tired enough not to dream.”

Jack raised his eyebrows. “That’s pretty specific.”

“It’s what we did in London after the Sycorax Invasion,” she told him, eyes far away. “Nothing like club music to make you forget waking up at the edge of a roof. Actually, it was pretty packed that night, guess we weren’t the only ones with that idea.”

Jack rubbed her shoulder, knowing she still mourned her friends from Torchwood London. “If you want to go dancing I can give you the night off,” he offered.

Lisa gave a humorless laugh. “I don’t have anyone to go dancing with,” she said simply. “Back to work it is, then.” She stood up, and took his arm as they headed back to the Hub.

[*]

When Jack stepped into the coffee shop he stopped for a moment to take a deep breath. The pervasive scents of cinnamon and sweet coffee soothed him the second he walked in the door. He’d spent as much time with Ianto on the low couches, chatting about everything and nothing, as they had in Ianto’s flat.

He made his way between the tables toward a couch near the huge fish tank. Several University students called out his name and waved; he’d helped a few of them with their coursework since he’d become a regular.

He greeted Ianto with a quick kiss before settling down next to him and throwing a glance at the coffee counter. “Has he been giving you any more trouble?” he asked.

Ianto shook his head. “Not since last week. He did apologize, you know.”

The subject of their conversation was currently wiping a cloth down one of the shiny silver coffee machines that faced the customers. Mike wasn’t looking in their direction, but Jack tried to burn a hole in his back anyway.

Jack huffed. “After what he said to you, he should have done much more than that!”

He didn’t notice Ianto’s small flinch. “Er, Jack?”

Finally, Jack stopped trying to set Mike on fire with his gaze and looked at Ianto. “Yes?”

“Um… how much of our conversation did you hear?”

Jack would have smiled, if not for the context of their conversation. Nervous Ianto was really too cute. “Just the part about me being too old for you,” he said wryly.

“Oh,” Ianto said awkwardly. “Well… you know I don’t think that, right? You’re not too much older anyway, and I wouldn’t care even if it was more of a gap.”

“I know.” Jack tried not to let his expression give away his discomfort at the lie; if only Ianto knew the real age gap…

“And,” he said, more to distract himself than Ianto. “I’m your boyfriend?”

“Do you not like that title?” Ianto said inquiringly.

Jack smiled. “I do like it,” he promised, and leaned forward to kiss Ianto again.

Struck by a vaguely discomforted feeling by how sappy he’d just sounded (although the discomfort was feeling less and less each time), Jack stood up. “Come on,” he urged. “I’ve got something to show you.”

[*]

A small smile played around Ianto’s lips as Jack dragged him out of the cab. Jack was usually laid back and flirtatious, but there was often a tense air around him, mostly when it wasn’t just the two of them. Whenever he was discussing certain things, like his job or his family, he would get a stony, defensive look on his face that Ianto loathed. He knew what it was like to have to grow a hard shell to protect yourself and he loved times like this, when Jack’s enthusiasm for something would make all that defensiveness melt away.

Ianto looked around the neighborhood. It was all high rise hotels with boutiques and shops on the first few floors, and expensive flat buildings. When Jack led them to one of the latter he began wondering what they were there for.

“Jack, do you know someone who lives here?” he asked as he was dragged into a softly-painted elevator. Before Jack spoke, he caught the sound of quiet background music in the lift.

“Yes I do, and you do too,” Jack said gleefully.

On the twelfth floor, the lift dinged open and Jack led them down the hall. He stopped in front of a door and slid a key into the lock. Ianto noticed that the ring the key was on also held the keys to several cars and doors, although he’d never seen Jack drive anywhere. When the went on dates, they took the car Ianto and Mike shared, or they walked or took public transportation. Ianto didn’t have time to ponder that when Jack ushered him into the flat.

The first thing Ianto noticed was the high ceiling. He immediately looked up, and found his eyes tracing an elegant fan that sat right in the center of the living room ceiling. There was a portion of hardwood floor in the entryway that led to the hallway on his left, but Ianto was entranced by the room in front of him, with its sumptuous wine red carpeting, black leather seating area and gigantic entertainment center with a stereo, flat screen television and rows upon rows of DVDs and CDs.

He stepped forward, sinking into the rug, and stared around with wide eyes, taking in what he could tell was a very high-quality arrangement- not to mention, very expensive. He looked back at his boyfriend.

“Jack, who lives here?”

“I do,” Jack grinned, walking towards him. His feet were quieter on the carpet; he’d taken off his boots and was wearing white socks. He let Ianto do the same, then took him by the upper arms and tugged him to the other rooms.

“I told you I was getting it refurnished, didn’t I?” Jack said casually as they toured. “What do you think?”

Jack pointed out various items in each room. He seemed proud of the chandelier he’d chosen for the dining room and enjoyed Ianto’s excited gasp when he saw the shining coffee machine Jack had picked out and placed with honor on the marble countertops.

Ianto was a bit unsure of the reception. He’d known that Jack had money- it was the little things, like the way he never glanced at a bill before signing it, or casually produced several hundred pound rugby tickets when Ianto would have had to budget for months. But he had to admit that seeing it laid out in front of him like this was intimidating. Jack’s living room had a huge window with a view of the bay- not an amazing view, but definitely enough to make the price of the flat skyrocket. He couldn’t help but wonder if Jack was trying to intimidate him, or impress him, or something else.

When the American enthusiastically pulled him into his office, Ianto was once again shocked- not by expensive appliances or furniture (although the oak desk and computer system in the corner were no doubt pricey), but by the walls. Jack’s office was entirely lined with stuffed bookshelves, save for the desk and a window beside it. Jack excused himself for a moment to check something on his computer, and Ianto walked along the bookshelves with great interest.

The shelves seemed to be mostly filled with history books, biographies and war histories especially. The biographies spanned all subjects, however, from philosophers and religious icons, scientists and doctors, philanderers and pioneers to revolutionaries and tyrants. Ianto found a shelf full of physics textbooks and dragged an interestingly titled tome off the shelf.

He was staring at the first chapter with utter confusion when he heard Jack’s voice next to his ear. “Whatcha got there?”

“Physics,” Ianto answered, only mildly startled. “It was my major before I dropped out of university, but most of this is over my head.”

Frowning suspiciously, Jack flipped open to the title page. Then he snapped the book shut and, smiling as though amused, set it back on the shelf. “I’d be surprised if you did understand that one. It’s the theory of travel through the fourth dimension.”

Ianto blinked. For a moment, he thought the copyright of the book had said 2160. Then he forgot about it, figuring it must have been something else.

Back in the kitchen, Ianto focused on making them coffee with Jack’s new machine. Having something to do with his hands made him brave enough to ask the question that was in the forefront of his mind- this way, he didn’t have to see the other man’s face.

“Jack, why are you showing me all this?”

Jack had jumped up on the counter next to the coffee machine. He took a long time to think of his answer. Ianto set the coffee to brew and hesitated before sitting on the counter next to him, staring at his hands in his lap.

“When I first came to Cardiff- years ago, now- it was just meant to be a pit-stop. I was waiting for a friend, we were planning to go traveling. I didn’t want to settle in, so I never really made anywhere home. There were a few apartments, but nowhere that was mine.

“When I left the country a few months ago, it was with my friend. I… I guess you can say I was disillusioned. I realized how much I’d missed out on, just waiting for him. I realized how lonely I was. When I came back, I decided I was going to invest myself here, with my team, my friends. But I hadn’t really thought it through, and I’d expected everything to go back to the way it was. It took me a while to figure out that I needed to let myself belong here, in Cardiff, in order to be happy.

“You were a big part of that, Ianto.” Ianto looked up to see Jack watching him softly. “You helped me see me that I’ve been distancing myself, from them, from serious relationships, from anything that could have kept me in Cardiff. I don’t want to be lonely anymore. Making my home here means I’m not just waiting to run away. It means I’m ready to set down roots.”

Jack reached out and took one of Ianto’s hands, wrapping it his own big, warm hand. He smiled, and leaned forward to brush his lips against Ianto’s softly.

Ianto allowed the contact, allowed Jack to deepen the kiss, while his stomach raged in silence.

He couldn’t let this charade go on anymore. He was lying to Jack, hiding from Jack, Jack who had changed his life partially because of Ianto, who was ready to ‘set down roots.’ And what if Mike was right? When Jack found out his secret, wouldn’t he become disgusted, or angry, and push Ianto away? It could only hurt both of them to continue this. For both their sakes, he had to end it now.

Ianto turned away from Jack, eyes watering. Jack’s expression grew concerned. He squeezed Ianto’s hand lightly and brought his other hand up to hold Ianto’s face. “What’s wrong?” he asked softly.

With the caring and concern in Jack’s beautiful eyes, he couldn’t. He just couldn’t hurt him so badly. “Just… not the most comfortable place to sit,” he managed, nodding his head at the counter.

Jack gave a laugh that sounded too loud for the conversation they’d been having. He jumped down from the counter and held Ianto’s arms as he slid down himself.

“Is this better?” he whispered, crowding Ianto to the counter with a sultry smile on his lips. His gaze pinned Ianto in place as he moved forward.

When Jack’s body leaned against his, alarm bells went off in Ianto’s head. Jack’s tongue teased against his, growing more bold and passionate in its exploration. A moan rose in his throat, along with a rush of heat and a horrible sense of dread.

This couldn’t happen. Ianto could not have Jack this close to him, touching him like this, or else he’d notice-

“Jack!” he gasped, tearing away from his boyfriend. His hands came up to push the other man away as lightly as he could manage.

Jack’s face was filled with determination. “I knew something was wrong. What is it?” he demanded, eyes hard but hand soft as it held Ianto’s elbow.

The Welshman tried to calm the fear that had him shivering ever so slightly. “I-I-” he tried, but his eyes dropped to the floor in shame and fear. Jack waited patiently, making quiet calming noises and rubbing his thumb on his boyfriend’s arm.

“I just want to take this slow.” Guilt swept through Ianto, heating his cheeks and gluing his gaze on the hardwood floor. “Not- not us,” he grabbed Jack’s hand and squeezed, possibly a bit too hard. “But, this.” He gestured between them with his free hand.

Jack stepped forward and Ianto felt a spark of fear that the other man would press up to him again. Instead, Jack spoke firmly and quietly.

“We can go as slow as you need, Ianto. I’m not going to push you.”

The rush of relief was tainted by the taste of guilt in his mouth, a taste that was becoming more and more familiar every time Jack said something amazing like that. How long could he hide his secret from this wonderful, patient man?

He was saved from having to respond by the coffee maker beeping its completion. Jack sighed and gently tugged him toward it.

“Why don’t you pour us some drinks, and I’ll set up the TV?” he suggested. Ianto could only nod, still refusing to look at him, and Jack left the room.

He let his head fall forward against the polished steel and let out a deep, shaky breath. After collecting himself, he found mugs for them both and finished the drinks.

In the living room, he set the coffee on Jack’s glass-and-wood coffee table and smiled weakly at the television screen. “You remembered,” he said, managing to infuse some measure of cheer into his voice.

Jack smiled as the Merlin episode selection screen began to repeat. “You did say it was your favorite. What sort of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t remember these things?” he teased.

Jack put one arm up along the top of the couch and nodded for Ianto to sit beside him. Biting the inside of his cheek, Ianto settled himself next to Jack, close enough to not be obviously spurning him, but far enough away that Jack couldn’t comfortably touch him very much.

The quickly covered up look of disappointment on Jack’s face as the episode started to roll made Ianto want to cry.

[*]

He waited until the end of the meeting, Gwen told herself. He could have insisted on talking first, but he didn’t. So don’t shoot him. Even if he interrupted your meeting adjournment for his stupid announcement without asking to speak.

“I’m not going to be sleeping at the Hub anymore,” Jack said, standing up at the conference room table.

There was a moment of confusion. The team looked at each other’s faces, from Lisa’s shrug to Tosh’s confusion, and the archivist eventually spoke.

“Is this, like, a change of address announcement?” Lisa asked.

“Not just that,” Jack answered. “It means I won’t be the one on-call every night anymore. I want to set up a rotation.”

“Jack, you’ve always done the night shift,” Gwen said patiently. Patience was a skill she’d mastered while Jack was away. Really, it was.

“You said yourself, you did fine while I was gone. And this time, there’ll be five people to share on-call duties.”

It sounded reasonable, and besides the utter pain of having to be on-call overnight, there was no reason why she shouldn’t agree. “All right then. Lisa, would you draw that up?”

“On it,” she young woman nodded smartly. Gwen felt a burst of appreciation for the former Londoner’s competency and dependability. Half the time Lisa had cleared up a problem before Gwen had realized it existed.

“Where are you moving to, Jack?” Tosh asked with that innocent friendliness that always seemed to sound like an interrogation when Gwen tried it. No wonder the tech was better at handing out retcon. Once she got over her shyness, it was impossible to resist the smile.

“I got a flat,” the captain answered. “It’s only a few minutes away, so I’m still close in case of an emergency.”

“You’re having a house-warming, yeah?” Gwen asked, plans already sprouting in her mind.

Jack looked unsure, but Gwen’s partner-in-crime caught on fast. “Of course, you can’t move in properly without a house-warming, Jack,” Lisa said seriously. “Or else it won’t feel like home.”

A split second of shock on their friend’s face made Gwen feel a bit bad about the manipulation, but then he smiled. “Fine. I’ll leave it up to Tosh to plan the day and time- make sure we’re not going to be away from the Hub during a Rift storm.” He grinned. “And Owen’s in charge of the drinks.”

The medic, who had been reviewing some sort of file on his lap, looked up in interest. “Are we goin’ out?”

Gwen rolled her eyes. “Party at Jack’s new flat; you’re buyin’.”

Owen grinned evilly. “I know just the thing.”

[*]

It was nearly eleven, and Jack had consumed four tequila shots and a few chasers. He was the most sober one there, besides Gwen, who was on-call and driving. The others had been spurred on by Owen’s inspired drinking game and were now laughing uncontrollably at something the other two had long forgotten.

“Is this what house-warmings are usually like in the twenty-first century?” Jack asked bemusedly.

Owen dropped his bottle and beer spilled out over Jack’s brand-new carpet. He winced.

“The ones I’ve been to, yeah,” Gwen said, wickedly amused. “Although the defabricator was a new one on me.”

“Lotta fun, though,” the captain grinned. Gwen grinned back.

“I still haven’t found my other sock,” she complained.

They both turned to look as Lisa tackled Toshiko on the couch, the latter screaming something in a slurred voice while Owen looked on, cackling.

“I’m going to look for it over there,” the Welshwoman decided. Jack nodded, watching the action.

When she looked behind the side table that held Tosh’s house-warming gift of a cactus (“I’ve tried to have plants before, but I never found time to water them. A cactus is better.”) she found her prize. Squashing her hand into the wall, she managed to retrieve the missing sock, but another piece of fabric was stuck to it.

She inspected the rugby jersey in confusion. It was the sort anyone could by at a stand at Cardiff City Stadium during a season game, but what was it doing at Jack’s flat?

Returning to the sitting area, she tossed the garment on their host’s lap. “Where’d you get that then?”

Jack held up the jersey proudly. “Bought it during the match against Edinburgh. What do you think, is it my color?”

Gwen shook her head, knowing Jack was fishing for compliments since the blue of the jersey obviously highlighted his eyes. “But you said you never went to a rugby match, we asked you!”

“I thought it was time to see what all the fuss was about.”

“But you never went,” Lisa interrupted from the opposite couch. Their three colleagues had quieted and were listening in. “I’d only been in Cardiff for three months and I got bullied into going, you musta never wanted to go!” She pointed a slightly wavering finger at the captain.

At Jack’s shifty look, a light bulb flashed above Gwen’s head. “Jack,” she began slowly, smiling evilly. “Did you go to the rugby game with someone?”

Lisa, and even Tosh, caught on and began teasing Jack. Owen, who had consumed even more alcohol than the ladies, could only laugh, cross-eyed.

“So who was it?” They badgered until Jack gave up.

“All right!” he said, throwing up his hands. “I give up! I didn’t want to say anything because it was new, but I am seeing someone.”

Gwen smiled in delight. Of course, they all knew already, but that was different than being told. “Is it serious?”

Her eyes widened when Jack seemed to blush, but she blamed it on the alcohol. “Yeah, it is,” he answered, cheeks stretching from the force of his smile.

“That’s greeeaat, Jack,” Tosh enthused, listing to the side. She sank onto Owen’s shoulder, the medic sprawling to the side from her unexpected weight. “Real happy for youuu.”

“How many has she had?” Jack asked Gwen out of the corner of his mouth.

When Gwen shrugged, Lisa interjected, “She caught the piranha twice more than me, and got hit in the face with a banana. So that translates to…” She drifted off, fingers moving and eyes in the air.

Jack and Gwen exchanged a look, neither even attempting to understand Owen’s strange idea of a drinking game. “Time to go, then?” she decided.

“Yeah.”

It took nearly fifteen minutes to load their colleagues into Gwen’s car. The night air sobered them up a bit, however, and when Lisa declared that she wanted to meet Jack’s boyfriend, there were several drunken nods and unintelligible agreements.

“You already knew, didn’t you?” Jack asked good-naturedly.

Gwen slid into her car and closed the door. “We didn’t know it was serious, though,” she answered through the window. “And Jack!” she called him back. “Looking forward to meetin’ him!”

[*]

It was another week and a half before the night out could be scheduled. First all the friction was removed from the Hub by an alien device. Jack remembered having a lot of fun with something like that years and years back, but that was in zero gravity. On Earth it just meant that their upper arms got a workout as they tried to stand on floors more slippery than the iciest day.

As soon as they got that dealt with Tosh reminded him that it was time to bring Tommy out of storage and Gwen wanted to check out Saint Telio’s. After that emotional roller coaster Jack would have loved to go out with Ianto, but the Welshman said he was saddled with a few night shifts.

Finally, Tosh’s program said that Thursday would be a clear night for the Rift.

“Thursday it is, any objections?”

Ianto looked over his shoulder from the sink where he was washing their dinner dishes. “Isn’t that quiz night, won’t the pub be packed?”

“We’re going to the other one.”

“Still, Thursday night, busy night, yeah? It’ll probably be loud and we won’t be able to hear each other and there’ll be no conversation…”

Jack gave Ianto’s back a strange look at the uncharacteristic rambling. He abandoned his wine glass on the table and leaned back on the counter next to the sink. “I’m almost getting the impression you don’t want to meet my friends.”

“No, no, that’s not it,” Ianto said quickly. “I just get kind of nervous, meeting new people, and-” he looked at Jack, then looked away, “I don’t want to make a bad impression.”

Jack shook his head and wrapped himself around Ianto from behind. “They’ll love you. I don’t know what you’ll think of them, but they’ll love you.” He laughed, the rumbling in his chest passing into Ianto’s tense back.

“I can’t do the dishes like this, Jack,” he said stiffly, and Jack laughed again before releasing him.

[*]

When they arrived at the pub, Ianto’s hands were shaking. He stuffed them into his coat to hide his anxiety from Jack, but he couldn’t help the fear that made him pale.

He often felt uncertain when he met new people. He was never sure how to act around strangers, and the fact that these were the people who spent every day with Jack, who Jack held in high esteem, whose opinions of him could greatly affect their relationship, just made him more nervous.

Jack picked up on what he was feeling as they entered the pub. He took one of Ianto’s hands and squeezed it comfortingly, then pointed out a table in the back where an Asian woman, a pale man and a long-haired woman conversed.

“That’s them. Do you want to get us some drinks which I let them know we’re here, give you another minute?”

Ianto smiled gratefully with bitten-red lips. “That’d be great, thanks.”

Jack stroked his hand comfortingly before walking off.

Ianto made his way through to the bar and ordered a few pints from the tap, then leaned against the bar, trying to make himself relax. All he had to do was be himself, right?

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t see-”

“No, that’s fine-”

Ianto froze, clutching the elbow of the woman who’d stumbled into him. “Lisa?”

She stepped back, dark face slack, mouth hanging slightly. She took in his face, then looked down at his tailored suit.

“Um- I-Ianto Jones? From London?” he prompted, voice almost squeaking.

“Yes, I remem- of course I remember you,” she said. Her tone seemed to convey something he wasn’t sure was complimentary. “I didn’t- when they said ‘Ianto Jones,’ I didn’t expect it would be you, though.”

Ianto stood awkwardly for a moment. “Small world, eh?”

Lisa nodded slowly, her usual intelligent composure returning. “So… you’re dating Jack.”

“Yes,” he answered, then peered at her. “Wait- you know him?”

“I work with him, that’s why I’m here tonight,” she explained. She looked over Ianto’s shoulder at the table where her colleagues sat, waiting.

“Does he know?” Lisa asked, stepping closer. “About, you know,” she gestured at him, encompassing his toes to his head, “you?”

Ianto hadn’t felt a blush come on that fast in a long while. “No, I haven’t told him,” he forced out.

Lisa’s lips pursed, her face taking on an almost angry cast.

“Not yet,” Ianto tried to correct, looking around awkwardly as though someone could rescue him from this conversation. “I will tell him, but I don’t want to do it too soon, you know.”

Lisa held his gaze for a long time. He prayed to anyone who was listening that she would keep his secret, that she wouldn’t tell Jack.

He was sure his pleas must have shown on his face because Lisa sighed heavily after her consideration. “You have to tell him, Ianto,” she said somberly. “He’s serious about you. You can’t keep this from him.”

“I know,” he whispered. Lisa couldn’t have heard it in the busy pub, but she nodded and skirted around him towards their table.

Ianto stood absolutely still until the bartender yelled to tell him his drinks were ready.

[*]

Jack greeted his team and listened to Owen and Gwen’s avid discussion of the friction fiasco; they were arguing who had been the less graceful for the three and a half hours that no one could get a grip on anything. Jack barely noticed when Lisa slipped onto the edge of the booth, but he looked up when Ianto finally arrived with the drinks.

Hopping up from his seat, he took the tray from Ianto and set it on the table, then put his arm around the other man. “Everyone, this is Ianto Jones. Ianto, this is my team. Gwen Cooper, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper and Lisa Hallet.”

He tugged Ianto into the booth next to him as the others chorused hellos, and then Lisa spoke up.

“Ianto and I knew each other back in London,” she told the group, inviting a moment of silence. Jack looked in confusion at Ianto, who was watching Lisa almost nervously while the others were trying to pry inside Lisa’s head to get the answers right then.

“Yeah, we dated for a while when I was working Torchwood London,” she continued before sipping her drink.

Jack had tensed in his seat, suddenly feeling the emergency retcon tabs he always carried burning a hole in his pocket. He was afraid to say anything, afraid to find out that Ianto was a security risk, but Ianto spoke first.

“I couldn’t believe it when I heard about the terrorist attack,” Ianto said quietly. “I’m so sorry, Lisa.”

She nodded, used to it. “Thank you.” She gave Jack a look before concentrating again on her drink.

Tosh and Owen were trying to find something else to look at awkwardly, but Gwen had managed not to lose her smile. “So when did you move back to Cardiff, Ianto?”

“About two years ago. A friend of mine got a job at this coffee shop and there were extra slots open.” He shrugged. “It was a nice change of pace.”

“Yeah, from what?” Gwen asked.

“I worked in a library before this. I enjoyed it, but I like my job now. Get to meet all sorts of people.”

“And that’s where you met Jack.” Ianto nearly cringed at the ‘that’s adorable’ implied in her voice, but he blushed instead.

“I don’t remember telling you that, Ms. Cooper,” Jack said teasingly. “Have you been checking up on me?”

Gwen tried to answer, but Owen whispered something and she was instead required to squawk angrily and start an argument. Jack sighed. Sometimes he felt like a recess monitor with those two.

“So, do you all work for Torchwood?” Ianto inquired, looking between Lisa and Jack. Jack stared at Lisa meaningfully; he didn’t know how much she’d told Ianto before, and any contradiction could make him suspicious.

She took the cue. “Remember, Torchwood is sort of a liaising agency. We needed more people in London, but in Cardiff, there’s not as much to do.”

Jack picked up the thread. “I told you how we were part of the clean-up for the squirrels and those explosions a few weeks ago. We just try to make sure no one gets hurt during situations like that.”

Ianto nodded and smiled awkwardly, then looked at the table. “I’ll get refills?” He grabbed his own drink, then Lisa’s and Tosh’s- the others were still more than half-full- and headed back to the bar.

Gwen and Owen were giving Jack a look. Before he left with the Doctor, he would have ignored it, but now he felt obligated to respond. “I know, I don’t like lying to him, but he knows about Torchwood.”

Lisa glared. “It’s not my fault you went for him. And it’s not like I told him on purpose, he caught the name and I had to make something up!”

“No one’s blaming you, Lisa,” Gwen assured her. “And this could be a good thing. Now Jack has an excuse for missing dates all the time and getting in late and having to cancel at the last minute.” She glared at the table, and everyone knew to avoid that minefield.

Jack turned to Tosh, who was sitting on his other side. “You’ve been quiet,” he commented.

“I like him,” she smiled weakly. “I’m just tired. Do you mind?” She motioned out of the booth, so Jack stood to let her pass.

“She’s been quiet ever since Tommy,” Lisa told the others.

“She’ll be fine,” Owen said in between gulps of his drink. When the others gave him various unhappy looks, he shrugged. “What? She’s Tosh.”

[*]

Ianto looked to the side when a hand tapped his arm. “Toshiko Sato, right?”

“Tosh,” the woman answered, smiling. “Have you ordered yet?”

“Oh, no, you want something different?”

She nodded. “Don’t really know what, though.”

“I, um, haven’t really gotten to speak to you,” Ianto commented.

“We do have Jack between us, it can be a bit difficult to talk around him,” she joked. Ianto laughed and she smiled wider. “Jack said you like Merlin,” she remembered.

“I love it. All the fantasy stuff, really, well, the ones set in different universes. I’m not really one for things like the X-Files, but Lord of the Rings, Merlin, can’t get enough. Sorry, I’m babbling-”

“No, I love Tolkien too!” Tosh said excitedly. “Have you read the books, or just seen the movies?”

Ianto looked a bit embarrassed. “I’ve got the collector’s editions of all of them.”

“None of them have even read the first one,” she gestured back at the table. “I’m lucky if they understand a Harry Potter reference.”

Ianto grinned. “You read Harry Potter?”

[*]

By the end of the night, Jack was willing to term the outing a success. Ianto and Tosh had come back to the table best friends with very little explanation, and had then proceeded to get drunk giggling over dragons or something. Gwen thought it was adorable and Owen was a bit miffed that the rest of them had been locked out of the conversation, while Jack was just glad to see Toshiko looking happy again.

He came back to the table from waving Gwen and Tosh off. Owen was gone and Lisa and Ianto were talking very seriously about something. As he approached Ianto looked away from Lisa and for a moment he Jack thought he saw fear in his eyes when Ianto was looking at him. By the time he reached the pair, though, there was no sign of it.

He took Ianto’s hand and turned to Lisa. “What’s going on here?”

Lisa raised an eyebrow at Jack’s display of possessiveness. “Ianto and I were just talking about communication within a couple. I’m leaving now, remember what I said, Ianto?” She gave Jack’s boyfriend an intense look, and Ianto nodded silently. Lisa nodded to them both and walked away.

“What was that about?” Jack asked calmly.

“Nothing much,” Ianto said quietly, not meeting Jack’s eyes. He held Jack’s hand tightly as they left the pub.

[*]

The next night, Jack left around five again to what they all knew was a night out with Ianto. Less than thirty seconds after the cog wheel door closed, Tosh, Gwen and Owen had congregated around Lisa’s desk.

“What would you all do if he forgot something and came back in?” she thought aloud.

“You knew all along who that guy was,” Owen accused.

“No, I didn’t,” Lisa sighed. “You said it’s a common name, and- I haven’t seen Ianto since before the Battle, I figured it wasn’t him.”

“I can’t believe you dated Jack’s boyfriend,” Tosh commented.

“I still can’t believe he’s got one,” Gwen admitted. “But now you can tell us all about him!” she said, grinning at the potential for gossip.

Lisa looked away. “I didn’t know him for that long. Only a month or so, all told. He was- nice. Funny, kind of shy. He worked in a library when I met him.”

“He sounds nice,” Gwen encouraged.

“Yeah.”

“So what happened?” Tosh asked when Lisa didn’t continue.

The dark-skinned woman looked away. “We just… we weren’t compatible. He’s a great guy, and I- I think he’ll be good for Jack,” she said quietly. “It just wouldn’t have worked out for us.”

Gwen frowned and went to question her more, but Owen nudged her with a bony elbow.

“Do you think…” Tosh hesitated. “You said good for Jack…”

“I don’t know if it’ll be enough to make him stay, no,” Lisa answered, picking up on the question Tosh wouldn’t ask. “But Ianto’s definitely a serious type. I don’t think he’d get into a relationship if he didn’t thought it would be over quickly.”

“So it is serious,” Gwen breathed.

“They haven’t shagged yet,” Owen said in a disagreeing tone.

“How can you tell that?” Tosh frowned at the medic.

“I can tell,” Owen said firmly. “I’ve known Jack for a while, I can tell when he’s been getting laid, and he hasn’t.”

“But they are dating, right?” Gwen asked the group. “I mean, I can’t really see Jack being that patient.”

“Well, we’ve never seen him in an actual relationship before,” Tosh considered. “We don’t know what he’s like. Although,” she remembered, “he has got a roommate.”

“Ianto?” Gwen clarified. “What’s your point?” she asked when Tosh nodded.

“They seemed- well, they sounded really close, from what Ianto was saying,” the tech answered.

“You think he’s got Jack on the go?” Owen’s expression was a strange mix of amused and disgruntled.

“No,” Lisa said decisively. “Ianto’s not like that. He’s definitely committed to Jack.”

“You can’t know that,” Tosh argued.

“I know it,” Lisa replied. She was completely sure of her answer, and the others could see it.

“Is there something you’re not telling us?” Owen guessed, watching her suspiciously.

She glared. “I don’t have to tell you everything about my personal life.”

“But this affects us now, too,” the doctor countered angrily. “We’re tryin’ to decide if Jack’s gonna stay and for some reason he’s latched onto this kid, so we need to whatever it is you’re not sayin’.”

Lisa stood up from her chair and stared down at Owen, taking advantage of the couple of inches she had on him. “You guys hacked into Ianto’s credit score. You spied on his dates with Jack. You don’t think he deserves even a little bit of privacy?” She looked at Tosh and Gwen as well. “I know you were all in on it. Well it stops now.”

“Why are you doing this?” Gwen asked, eyes wide with confusion. “You want Jack to stay just as much as we do.”

Lisa looked at her incredulously. “I remember your first day, Gwen. You were angry because we had databases of people’s faces and private information, you said we shouldn’t have them. Breach of privacy, right? Ianto deserves privacy,” she said firmly. “And so does Jack, for that matter.” She stormed away, heading to the Archives.

Gwen looked guilty. “She’s right.”

“I don’t care,” Owen declared. “I’m not gettin’ caught out again like when he left last time,” he defended when Gwen and Tosh gave him looks. “We don’t know if Lisa’s telling the truth, or if Jack won’t break up with the teaboy anyway. And it’s not like we’re hurting them by looking.”

Tosh shook her head. “I don’t want to spy on them anymore.”

“No, we won’t,” Gwen decided. “But… Owen’s right, too. We still can’t be sure of Jack.”

“I don’t like this,” Tosh said quietly. “I hate not trusting him.”

“We all do.” Gwen sighed, then nodded. “So. We’ll wait a bit longer, yeah?”

Tosh and Owen looked at each other, then agreed.


	5. Part 4

Jack pulled Gwen into his office while Owen finished working on Rhys in the medical bay. “Rhys has to forget too, you know.”

She eyed him suspiciously. “I’ll give it to him at home,” she decided.

Jack gave her a long look, but she stuck out her hand and he placed the white pill in the center of her palm.

Later, sitting outside in the sun, she remembered how Jack had been so suspicious of Rhys, how he would have accused him outright if she hadn’t reminded him he wasn’t in charge anymore. She fingered the pill as she thought, and made her decision.

“Love, I’ve gotta run back inside, alright? I forgot something I was going to ask Lisa.”

Her fiancé laughed. “You’ve gotta run back inside your secret underground alien-catchin’ base. This is just brilliant!”

She kissed him and then went back into the Hub.

By the time the elevator had descended, she’d schooled her features. Jack wasn’t going to be happy, but she was in charge now, and the others would back her up, even if they weren’t sure about Rhys. It was a brutal thing to think, she knew, but Rhys was worth it.

She walked through the cog wheel door, nerves- after all this time, she still hated going against Jack, not that it would stop her- making her make with more energy than normal. “I’m not doing it, I won’t drug him,” she declared.

“You have to,” Tosh said immediately.

“We can’t allow him to remember,” Owen agreed.

“It’s the rules,” Lisa said, looking up at Gwen from the couch.

For an instant Gwen was surprised that they clearly knew she wouldn’t do it- they were ready to argue. But she stood her ground.

“None of you have any partners outside of this,” she argued.

“We understand how you feel,” Jack retorted with an edge in his voice.

“No you don’t,” she denied, getting angry like she’d told herself she wouldn’t. She couldn’t stand the way he constantly challenged her authority, always thinking he knew better. “No you don’t, Jack. You all think it’s cold and lonely out there,” she said to the group at large, “but it’s not for me because I have him! He matters, and I’ve lied to him for long enough.”

Jack was just staring at her, face drawn in a way she didn’t understand. “What he did today was so brave. Braver than any of us, because we signed up for it.” The team- her team- wasn’t speaking. They were just watching her, and somehow this gave her strength. “And he didn’t, he did it because he loves me. And I won’t take that away from him,” she finished calmly, hearing the ring of authority in her own voice.

Jack didn’t say anything for the longest time. She looked around. Tosh was clearly unsettled, looking between her and Jack. Owen was frowning, his arms crossed, but the look he gave her was silent compliance. Lisa bit her lip, and nodded to Gwen.

She looked back at Jack, whose eyes were darker than she’d ever seen them. “Yes ma’am,” he said at last, voice gravelly.

The tension in the room seemed to increase. She stepped forward, holding out the retcon pill with two fingers. Jack took it the same way, not breaking eye contact. She had to turn around.

“I’ll see you all tomorrow,” she said quietly, and no one spoke as she left.

[*]

When Ianto knocked on the door to Jack’s flat, he was already worried. If Jack wasn’t canceling a date outright he usually never changed their plans without consulting Ianto. For him to tell Ianto to come to his instead of going over for movie night- in a  _text message_  no less, which the older man claimed to despise- something had to be wrong.

Jack’s face when he opened the door only cemented his sense of foreboding.

“What’s wrong?” Ianto asked, toeing off his shoes without looking away from Jack’s face. His boyfriend shook his head and walked back to the sofa, where a tumbler was already wet with amber liquid next to a container of the same. Ianto followed, hating Jack’s disheveled hair and clothes and his tired, tight expression.

Jack sat heavily on the couch and took a deep breath when Ianto sat beside him. Ianto hesitated, considering the suit and waistcoat he was wearing, but when he glanced again at Jack’s face he shifted closer. Jack lifted an arm and Ianto moved closer, letting Jack half-hug him around his shoulders.

“What happened, Jack?” he murmured, taking Jack’s other hand and squeezing it gently.

The captain shook his head. “Just… a tough day at work.” He chuckled. “Actually, that’s a bit of an understatement.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Jack snorted like it was funny, but the twisted look on his face said otherwise. “Yeah, I’d love to.”

Ianto nodded. “Okay, you want me to make coffee while we talk?”

Jack looked at him, and Ianto was astonished to see tears in his eyes as he regarded Ianto for several long moments. “No,” he said at last, voice rough. “That’s okay. Why don’t we…”

Ianto snaked his arm between Jack’s waist and the cushion. Jack held him closer in response, and they sat there in silence for a long time.

[*]

A horrible jangling noise filled Gwen’s ears and she turned her head away. Unfortunately, this only cause her to bang her forehead against something hard. She lifted her head with a moan, scrabbling for the source of the sound.

Her fingers brushed metal before it was snatched away. She blinked blearily and saw Jack staring at the screen of his phone.

“What are we doing here?” Gwen asked.

Her colleagues, waking up in much the same disoriented manner as she was, only looked confused.

Jack, frowning, flipped open the phone. “Hello?”

They all stared as his eyebrows flew up. “Ianto? What’s the- slow down, I-” he listened, expression becoming even more confused. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Ianto, I saw you last night.”

He blinked and suddenly looked at them. “Two days?”

Gwen tried, but for the life of her she could not remember what they’d been doing for the last two days. She knew it was a Wednesday but she couldn’t remember anything beyond returning to Cardiff with Rhys on Sunday. She shook her head at Jack and saw the others doing the same.

“I…” Jack blinked. “I can’t tell you.” There was a flurry of sound from the other end of the line, and it didn’t sound pleased. “I’m sorry. I- look, I’ll explain later. Okay?” He was staring at the conference table, expression blank. After another few seconds, he pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it, then closed it.

Gwen couldn’t say anything. She suddenly remembered taking off for Paris with Rhys on a whim, fuming until halfway across the Channel she realized what she’d said to put that look on Jack’s face.

She was going to apologize on Monday. Now she didn’t know if she had.

“You can tell him what happened, you know.” She broke the silence of the conference room, trying not to sound awkward. She was afraid her eyes would give her away. “That is, once we figure it out.” She half-smiled, looked around. The others were tense, watching her and Jack.

“Thank you,” Jack said, dangerously soft. Gwen could feel her scalp prickle as his dark blue eyes bore into hers. “But I’m not going to risk him like that. You see, he matters to me.” He shoved back his chair and walked out of the room.

“Gwen-”

“I know,” she interrupted, watching Jack’s retreating back. “I know.”

[*]

Someone knocked at the door. Ianto crossed his arms tighter, glaring at the match on the telly. Mike stared at him, lap full of chips and laptop, then rolled his eyes and rearranged everything so he could get up.

“Whaddyou think you’re doin’ here?” Mike’s voice was clearly audible from the living room. “I told you if you hurt him I’d smash your face in. You come here askin’ for it?”

Ianto got up and took his time getting to the door. Jack was facing down Mike, unafraid, but when Ianto entered the hall he completely ignored the larger man. “Ianto. Can I talk to you?”

Ianto pursed his lips. “What are you going to say?”

Jack glared at Mike in an obvious ‘Out of my way.’ Mike glared, but moved back so Jack could at least see Ianto. “I’m here to apologize.”

Ianto narrowed his eyes. “Almost.”

“What?” Jack thought, then gave a little grin. “Oh. I’m here to beg my way back in?”

Ianto barely managed to hide the smile that wanted to peek through, despite everything. “Mike, we’ll be in the kitchen.”

“You know I’m not your bloody doorman,” his friend growled, heading back to the living room.

Ianto did smile in amusement this time. “But you do it so well. Doesn’t he, Jack?”

Jack shrugged. “Not bad.”

Mike rolled his eyes and glared at Jack again before leaving the hall. Jack followed Ianto into the kitchen and sat at the table.

“So. You said you would explain,” Ianto said coolly.

Jack nodded. “What do you know about Torchwood?”

“Lisa said it’s a liaising agency. White collar. People around here say it’s all sorts of things, though.”

“Like what?”

“Like,” Ianto cast about. “Like, magic. Or CSI. Conspiracy theories,” he finished.

“Torchwood isn’t a liaising agency,” Jack said. “And it’s not white collar.”

Ianto stared. “You lied to me.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“To keep you safe.”

Ianto scoffed. “How does lying about your work keep me safe?”

“Because what I do, Ianto, Torchwood, it’s dangerous. I don’t remember the last two days.”

Ianto knew he was probably starting to look dumb, but he couldn’t stop staring. “Well,” he huffed. “That’s convenient.”

“It’s the truth.”

“You don’t remember not answering my calls, when you promised you would? You don’t remember answering and saying you didn’t know who I was, telling me to never call you again? Or calling security and telling them not to let me near your flat?” He tried to control his voice, because he knew if Mike heard he’d come in and get angry at Jack, but he could feel tears burning behind his eyes. Stupid hormones.

Jack looked pained, mouth pursed unhappily. “No, I don’t. I don’t remember anything past Sunday night. I remember you sat with me and we watched TV for a while and I promised I’d call you in the morning and then you went home. And then nothing until my team and I woke up to your call.”

Ianto shook his head. “That’s not possible,” he whispered. “You’re lying, why are you lying?”

Jack leaned across the table and took his hand, holding tight when he tried to pull away. He looked Ianto straight in the eye. “I’m not lying, Ianto. I don’t know what happened, and I’m sorry for what happened the last couple days. I must not have been in my right mind.”

“You were acting strange,” Ianto remembered. “You-”

“Don’t tell me,” Jack interrupted, a flash of panic crossing his face. “I can’t know. There were signs that we made ourselves forget on purpose. If that’s the case, remembering might be dangerous.”

Ianto swallowed, mind reeling. “Something happened that made you act so out of character, say those terrible things,” he summarized, “and then you made yourself forget?”

“I told you I didn’t want you to see me on my bad days,” Jack joked darkly.

Ianto remembered with a jolt how he’d thought that Jack would be a grump or drink too much sometimes, and how he’d felt sure he’d be able to handle ‘the bad days’. Now he wasn’t as sure.

Jack watched him, mouth working silently. Finally, he spoke, voice steeped in meaning. “I’m sorry, Ianto. I’ll understand if you can’t forgive me.”

Ianto saw the pain on his face and recognized it, because it was exactly what he’d been feeling ever since Jack had said ‘Who the hell is this?’

“No, I-” he stuttered. “Jack. I don’t want to break up with you.”

Jack didn’t say anything, but his eyes showed what he was feeling.

“But I- This hurt,” he said honestly, letting Jack see it on his face. “The things you said, the way you looked at me. How do I know that won’t happen again?”

“I can’t promise it won’t,” Jack replied, eyes haunted. “But I can promise I’ll do my best to protect you.”

There was a cast to his face that Ianto had seen before and for some reason, he believed it. “Okay.”

Jack relaxed, and it was only then Ianto could see how tense he’d been. “I really am sorry,” he said, more gently this time. “Uh… if you want to come with me, we can talk to security at my building. Get you back off the no-fly list.”

“What will you tell them?”

Jack shrugged, squeezing Ianto’s hand again. “I’ll say… I had a fever and was suffering from paranoid delusions.”

Ianto remembered the spitting mad Jack who had held him at gunpoint until security arrived. “They might actually believe that,” he warned.

Jack laughed, to his surprise. “They can believe whatever they want,” he carelessly. “You want to get pizza on the way? Pick up a DVD?”

Ianto narrowed his eyes. “You’re rather chipper.”

“I’m relieved.” Jack smiled. “Even though I’m probably going to have to sit through the entire Lord of the Rings series before you’ll forgive me.”

Ianto chuckled. “Oh, Jack. It’ll be Lord of the Rings  _and_  Harry Potter.”

Jack groaned, but he didn’t lose the grin.

[*]

Gwen sent the others out to lunch. Thankfully, they went quietly, probably knowing what she was planning to do. Okay, fine, if it hadn’t been completely obvious she was going to apologize they’d have made her do it, but still. She had her dignity.

Or, she could pretend to have it.

She knocked on the door to Jack’s office, which was closed and had the curtains down as it had on and off for the last three months. She’d barely even known he had curtains before he’d left with the Doctor.

“Come in.” She opened the door and met Jack’s eyes. He sighed and gestured for the seat across from him. “Sit down.” He nodded.

“I’m here to apologize, Jack,” she began, remembering what she’d planned to say. “I’m sorry for what I said last week. I acted like my relationship was more important than yours, like you couldn’t feel the same way I did. I know you’re in a relationship with Ianto, but I let my emotions blind me to what that meant. It won’t happen again, I promise.”

Jack stared at her until she started fidgeting, and then he looked away. “It wasn’t that,” he sighed.

“It wasn’t?” she repeated, then cleared her throat so she sounded less squeaky. “Then what was it?”

“It wasn’t just your emotions that got the better of you, Gwen. It was your ego.”

“How dare you-”

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about,” Jack said loudly over her protest. “You think you’re the first person who’s ever had a lover they’ve had to lie to? You forget I’ve worked for Torchwood for over a hundred years, Gwen, I’ve seen it all. The rules are there for a reason,” he told her. “And that reason is that spouses who  _know_ , about Torchwood, about aliens, they don’t tend to live as long.”

Gwen shook her head. “This is different, Rhys can keep his mouth shut-”

“They could all keep their mouths shut!” Jack shouted, then gripped his desk. Gwen watched his knuckles turn white. “That’s not the problem,” he growled, clearly fighting to stay calm. “The problem is that things happen in Torchwood that we can’t control. Things we can’t see coming or avoid. In Torchwood’s history nineteen spouses or family members have been approved to know about Torchwood. Fourteen ended up dying by it. Three of those after being retconned because they couldn’t handle it, but remembering anyway. That leaves five who survived. But Torchwood doesn’t let people go. Those five? Once their loved one died, they were retconned too. If you let him know about Torchwood, then when you die he has to forget.”

Gwen’s skin felt cold and she was shaking her head. She didn’t know when she’d started.

“Torchwood kills people, Gwen,” he told her, his face blank. “That’s why I’ve stopped you from telling Rhys in the past. Being the leader gives you power, but it also gives you the responsibility of listening to people who know more than you. That’s where ego came in. I would have told you all this before, if you’d let me.”

“I won’t let him get hurt because of me,” Gwen said intensely. She looked into Jack’s eyes, daring him to disagree.

“For your sake, and his, I hope you’re right,” he said instead. After a moment, he looked down at the papers on his desk. “I accept your apology about Ianto. And I hope you’ll remember what I said about ego.”

Gwen didn’t move.

“They’re expecting you for lunch,” Jack prompted after a minute.

She left, feeling terrified and numb.

[*]

Jack shut off the shower and dried as fast as he could, cursing as he tied his towel around his legs. He hurried to the front door and opened it.

“I’ve got to get you a key,” he remarked to the delectable Welshman in a suit who was currently staring at his damp and bare upper body. “That is, if you want to come in.” He smirked.

Ianto blinked. “Of course, I, uh.” He entered and made a beeline for the television area. Jack grinned behind his back, thinking how cute Ianto was when he was flustered and feeling rather flattered himself.

“I’ll get the movie set up, let you, ah, finish getting ready.’

Jack’s grin widened. Even after dating for two months, Ianto still hadn’t learned to not leave him openings like that. “Oh, I’m all ready,” he said in a low voice, walking up behind where Ianto was turning on the DVD player and rubbing his hips playfully.

Ianto yelped and spun around, giving Jack a nasty look. “If you  _don’t_  mind,” he said severely, “we still have two more Harry Potters to watch.”

Jack sighed good-naturedly and trudged toward his room. By the time he got back, that blasted song was playing as the start-up screen loaded. Ianto had set up everything just the way they always did for movie nights: he’d fetched a glass of orange soda for them both, dimmed the lights, and opened a bag of kettlecorn.

Jack preferred wine with movies, but Ianto insisted that one did not watch Harry Potter while drinking wine. Ianto also brought kettlecorn to every movie night, knowing Jack loved it and wouldn’t be able to resist even though he complained that it was too fatty.

Ianto turned his head when Jack came into the room, and Jack was struck by how much this felt like home. “You ready?” Ianto mumbled around a mouthful of kettlecorn.

Jack smiled. “Yeah.”

He settled down on the couch, leaving the kettlecorn between him and Ianto. For some reason, Ianto didn’t like to sit too close to him, even in private. Jack might have though it was to make sure they went slow, like Ianto had asked a while back, but he sometimes did lean on Jack as long as his suit coat was still on. It made Jack think he just had trouble relaxing, and he wanted his boyfriend to feel comfortable, so it let it go.

Plus, he could usually get Ianto to make out with him during the movie.

It took a good hour, but Jack took advantage of a slow scene to move the kettlecorn out of the way and get Ianto into his arms. Somebody was giving a courageous, rousing speech on the screen, his words went unheard by the two men on the black leather couch. Their attention had been pulled away from the screen by the urge to inch closer, caress skin, run hands through hair and taste each other’s sighs.

Jack trailed a hand through the spiky hairs at the base of Ianto’s skull, fingers brushing the sharp line of a razor-close shave. He huffed a quiet laugh into the younger man’s mouth as he imagined Ianto using a mirror to trim his hair  _just_  so.

“Something funny?” Ianto murmured, gently biting the tip of Jack’s tongue.

Jack stifled a gasp and plunged the stinging point up to a spot he’d discovered on Ianto’s pallet that made the Welshman cringe and lean away with a giggle.

“Not fair,” Ianto chastised.

Jack growled and pulled Ianto back with a hand on his shoulder, smoothing it down his back as the other man acquiesced into the kiss.

Focused on the soft slickness of his boyfriend’s lips, Jack didn’t notice Ianto’s eyes jump open. He didn’t feel Ianto moving until he grabbed the exploring hand before it reached his hip.

Jack considered himself an understanding person. Ianto had said he wanted to move slowly, to be comfortable, and Jack respected that because he respected Ianto. While some people (including his team, the Doctor, most people he’d met) might not believe it, Jack Harkness was capable of having a relationship wherein sex was not the driving force.

But this was getting ridiculous. Jack wasn’t clingy, but he did enjoy a certain level of touching with those he cared about. He liked to kiss Ianto, and hug him, to run his hands over Ianto’s skinny shoulders and smooth back. But it seemed as though Ianto got uncomfortable whenever he tried. While he enjoyed kissing Jack, he always stopped them before they got too intense, and he always- just like now- stopped Jack’s hands if they came too close to his chest, or any further down than his waist. Usually, if he wasn’t wearing his suit jacket, Ianto would even back off from hugging him. He’d tolerated it, not wanting to pressure Ianto, giving in to the odd, apologetic look in Ianto’s eyes that the young man always covered up awkwardly.

He was giving Jack the same look now as he turned back to the movie.

“I really like this part,” he said casually, but Jack could hear the lie in his voice and he’d finally had enough. He grabbed the remote from the table and switched off the television.

“I was watching that!” Ianto protested.

“What’s the matter?” Jack demanded.

“What are you talking about?”

Jack spied the hint of nervousness that he detected so often in Ianto’s expression and pressed the advantage.

“I’m talking about why you never want me to touch you. Why you’re fine with meeting my colleagues but not with taking off your shirt in front of me.”

“I- I told you, Jack. I don’t want to move too fast.” But his eyes were tinted with panic and he couldn’t control the slight stutter in his speech.

“There’s taking things slow, and then there’s this. Ianto, why can’t you just tell me what the problem is?” he pleaded. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me. Whatever it is, we’ll find a solution.”

Ianto held his gaze for several long moments, looking increasingly desperate. Jack could sense that he was thinking quickly, but his expressions were far too intense for this to be simple. He didn’t know what to expect, but he got ready to hear something terrible.

Finally, Ianto’s face crumpled. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly, looking at Jack with nervous blue eyes. “You’re right, I have been keeping something from you. But it’s not because I don’t trust you, or I wanted to hurt you,” he promised.

“Then why?” Jack whispered, ignoring the terrible foreboding curling in his chest.

Ianto’s mouth was trembling and he stopped meeting Jack‘s gaze. “I just wanted to keep this for as long as I could.”

The top button of his shirt was already undone- relaxed with his discarded tie when they’d entered the flat. Now he released several more with clumsy fingers, until the shirt was open halfway down his chest. Stark white even against Ianto’s pale skin was a tight fabric binding across his chest. He looked at Jack through his thick eyelashes and confessed quietly.

“I’m transgender. I was born a woman, but that’s not who I really am.”

Jack stared for a moment, at his fearful, wide-eyed face, then at the chest binding. “This is what you’ve been hiding? The thing Lisa knows about?”

Ianto frowned. “How do you- Yeah, it is,” he answered.

“And this is why you don’t want me to touch you?” Jack said slowly.

“No!” Ianto insisted. “It’s not that I don’t- I do want you, Jack. I only- I didn’t want you to find out!” he rushed through the explanation, tripping over his own tongue. “I… I really like you,” he finished with a hopeless expression.

“You thought telling me would run me off,” Jack realized.

“It’s not?” Ianto asked breathlessly.

Jack shook his head. “Just… tell me why you couldn’t tell me.”

“I was afraid that you- that you wouldn’t… Listen. You know that- that Lisa and I dated, for a while.” Ianto turned away on the couch, staring at the carpet. “It wasn’t long after I started the, the therapy and taking testosterone supplements.” He swallowed, hands twisting nervously. “I told her that I was born a woman, but I’m a man on the inside, and that I was going through a process so I could be a man on the outside as well, and she broke up with me. Told me she couldn’t handle it. We stayed friends, though. That’s a lot kinder a reaction than I’ve gotten from my other exes,” he commented, with a hint of dark sarcasm that set off an alarm bell in Jack’s head.

“Hey.” He pulled Ianto’s chin to face him, tearing the young man’s eyes from the floor. “I told you on our first date that I don’t distinguish between men and women. Do you remember that?” When Ianto nodded hesitantly, he continued. “I really meant that.”

Jack sighed. “Look. Ianto. I’m not perfect. I’ve got a dangerous job that barely gives me any free time. I can’t remember the last time I was in a healthy relationship. I’m going to be obnoxious and annoy you and flirt with people you know- although not Mark. You’ve got nothing to worry about there.”

Ianto laughed in a sort of choke-y way.

“I can’t promise you that we’ll last forever, or even another month. But what I can promise is that if I ever break up with you- it won’t be because of this.”

Ianto stared as though he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Jack’s only warning was his progressively harsher and more ragged breaths, before his boyfriend latched onto him in a tight embrace. Jack held him while he shook and breathed harshly into Jack’s neck and shoulder, holding him tight and patting his back. It reminded him of the way Ianto had held him and let him cry silently after the space whale died, and he was glad that he could support Ianto the way he’d supported him.

At last, Ianto loosened his arms, though he kept them around Jack’s neck. “Why am I doing this?” he asked, smiling though his voice was still rough and his eyes red.

“Relief. Release from bottling up your emotions for a long time. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“No, I meant, why am I crying into your shoulder when I could be kissing you instead?”

Jack could practically feel the twinkle spring back into his eye. “That’s a good ques-” he whispered, but the rest was lost in Ianto’s kiss as the young man deepened it further than he ever had before. Jack could immediately feel the passion that Ianto had been holding back, and let go of his own restraints. Several weeks of pent-up lust slammed through him and he moaned into Ianto’s mouth.

Without fear of Jack realizing his secret, Ianto pressed his body up against Jack’s. Since he was aware of the binder now, Jack could feel the difference against his chest, but he wasn’t sure if he would have recognized it before tonight. In any case, he wasn’t thinking too much about it as he pulled Ianto even closer and tugged his button-up shirt out of his trousers.

Slipping one hand under the shirt to search out the smooth skin of Ianto’s back and the other to the front to fiddle with the buttons, Jack pulled back and gasped. “Do you want-”

“Yes,” Ianto cut him off, letting go of Jack so the other man could quickly divest him of his shirt. He did the same for Jack as fast as he could, and- after an awkward moment where Jack tried to figure out how to undo the binding- they both took off their own undershirt.

Jack looked curiously at his breasts for a moment before drawing Ianto back to him to kiss and grope and then he trailed his mouth down Ianto’s jaw line and neck and started to do all sorts of clever things with his teeth and his tongue.

Several minutes later, Ianto had love bites littered over his neck and abdomen- Jack had skipped over his chest without question when Ianto shook his head- and he caught Jack’s hand at the buckle of his belt.

“I- Jack,” he tried to speak- face flushed red from gasping.

“What is it?” Jack asked, remaining on his knees in front of the couch.

The image really wasn’t doing much for Ianto’s eloquence.

“I’m- I-I haven’t-” he stuttered thoroughly until the words tumbled out. “I still look like… I mean I… I’m still, technically, a woman.” He blushed strongly and looked anywhere but at Jack.

For the second time that night, Jack made Ianto look at him. “I’ll say it again- my partner’s sex doesn’t matter to me,” he insisted. “I’m here with  _you_. If you’re male on the inside and female on the outside, or the other way around, or neither, that doesn’t change anything for me. It’s  _you_  I want, Ianto Jones,” he said, stroking Ianto’s collarbone. “The rest is just packaging.”

He fiddled with the belt again. “So, unless you don’t want me to…”

“I do,” Ianto nodded, very surely. “I just didn’t want to, I don’t know… shock you. Please, go on,” he encouraged.

Jack grinned in response, and had Ianto’s trousers and pants off before the younger man could realize it had happened. “Good. ‘Cause I’ve wanted to get my mouth on you from the moment I saw you, dick or no.”

“One last thing.” He lifted up his head and Ianto nearly groaned. “Are you clean? Because my immune system is pretty good, but I don’t want any unnecessary risks.”

“I’m clean!” Ianto said impatiently. “Got tested at the clinic where I get my hormones.”

“Alright then,” Jack gave his devil’s grin. “Ianto Jones, say goodbye to rational thought!”

[*]

They’d migrated to Jack’s bed after round one, and the covers were piled up near the foot board and along the far side of the bed. Ianto sat up to straighten them, but gave up halfway through for lack of energy. He could still feel his pulse thumping heavily in his chest and through the rest of his body. The sensitive skin of his vagina still tingled and his internal muscles sent shivery waves of pleasure through him as he shifted on the bed.

He settled back into Jack’s side, tossing the sheets over them to keep in the heat their sweat was beginning to leech away. Jack’s relaxed grin appeared in front of his face and descended for a wet kiss.

“That was really great,” Ianto mumbled into his lover’s mouth.

Jack let his head fall back to the pillow and agreed. “Yeah. Was it worth staying a woman for?” he winked. A moment later, he seemed to realize his mistake. “Hey, I’m sorry.”

Ianto had already rolled away onto his back, face stiff. He pulled the kicked-away covers up over his breasts as he tersely said, “It’s not something to joke about, Jack.”

Jack reached out to take Ianto’s hand, only for it to be snatched away. “I know, I’m sorry. That was insensitive.”

A watery snort agreed with him, and Ianto’s forehead furrowed heavily, his eyes closed tight.

“Just let me explain? Please, Ianto.”

“Fine,” Ianto said tersely.

A dragging of the sheets and the mattress pushing up and down signaled Jack’s moving under the sheets. He took a few moments to get comfortable, then sighed and slowly started talking.

“Where I come from… this sort of thing is normal. The transitioning, I mean. Well, maybe not common, but… it’s accepted. There’s no stigma, nobody… no one thinks it’s strange, or unnatural, like they sometimes do here. Where I grew up, you might hear someone say ‘Did you hear about Jenny? She’s becoming Jonathon,’ and people would say ‘Good for him.’ People are comfortable with it, that sometimes someone’s body is wrong and they have to go get it fixed. For me, joking about it is as normal as… I don’t know, a man mentioning his girlfriend is considered normal here.”

He looked straight into Ianto’s eyes, which had opened and to watch Jack’s expressive face at some point. “Sometimes I forget that this place isn’t like where I come from. I didn’t mean to say anything hurtful.”

“‘Where you come from’ sounds pretty wonderful,” Ianto said, a tad harshly.

Jack made a face. “It had its downsides, just like anywhere else. But, yeah, this wasn’t one of them. I know you’re a man, Ianto, and I know that’s not going to change. Even for some pretty fantastic sex, if I say so myself.” He smiled gently.

Ianto felt his face softening in forgiveness. “Thanks.” He shifted onto his side so that he was facing Jack again. “It is good to know what it feels like, though.”

“I thought you told me you’d slept with men and women before.”

“Not like this,” the Welshman admitted. “Not with someone I cared about. I- told them too soon. The ones I slept with before I told them I was really a man broke up with me soon, if not immediately after.” He gave Jack a soft smile. “So, no, sex this way isn’t good enough to change my mind. But I am glad.”

“You know what I wish?” he asked after a while. He’d gained a serious look that felt out-of-place in the dimly lit bedroom, his tone clashing with the peaceful sounds of their breathing.

“Mm?” Jack hummed in question.

“I know the surgery’s not perfect. There’s no way… even with the best money can buy, which  _I_  certainly could never afford… I’d probably never be able to feel sex the same way cis-men do. The ones who were born the right way. I… I’m afraid that I- that I won’t feel like it’s enough.”

Jack was silent for a long time. “The science will improve. Someday, Jenny’ll be able to go to the next town over and get a sexual reassignment surgery at the local hospital, and Jonathon will get back home before sunset.”

“Not soon enough for me,” Ianto whispered.

Jack pulled him until they were pressed up against each other and kissed his forehead. They fell asleep like that, naked limbs entwined.

[*]

Yet another movie that they would have to rewatch. Somehow Jack couldn’t bring himself to be upset as he pulled Ianto closer to his body and forced the other man’s tongue back into his own mouth, dominating the kiss.

Ianto groaned but pressed forward, making Jack lean against the back of the couch. He tilted his head, swirling his tongue as he tried to retake command of the kiss, lifting up on his knees to straddle Jack as he grabbed his boyfriend’s neck with both hands.

It was Jack’s turn to moan. He fumbled for the hem of Ianto’s t-shirt, dragging both hands up his back and tossing the shirt to the floor. He immediately attacked the binder, releasing it within seconds- he’d had enough practice in the last week. The Rift had been unusually quiet and he’d taken advantage of it to get as much time off as possible.

Jack’s shirt was already on the floor, the product of their heavy make-out session. Jack grinned, wondering when he’d become a teenager again, necking on the couch with his boyfriend. Any thoughts of clichés drained out of his brain as he crushed the skin of Ianto’s naked torso against his own, and he couldn’t contain the roll of his hips against his boyfriend’s-

Ianto pulled back. His lips were puffy and red already, well-slicked and luscious, but he was wearing an odd look.

Jack smiled sheepishly. “Sorry. I was expecting... Never mind.” He shifted Ianto’s body on his lap so the hard bulge in his trousers was pressed between Ianto’s legs instead of at the front of his pelvis.

Ianto looked astonished. “You expected me to have a cock?” he said bluntly.

“Yeah, I forgot for a minute,” Jack explained. He bit his lip as Ianto continued to stare at him.

“I’ve got my breasts pressed against your chest and you forgot that I’m not biologically male?”

Jack winced and looked away. When he put it that way… “I’m sorry. I know I can be a bit oblivious sometimes, but I am trying to avoid saying or doing the wrong thing.” He risked a peek. Ianto was shaking his head, looking like he couldn’t believe what Jack was saying. “I’m  _really_  sorry?” he tried.

In the next moment he found himself being kissed within an inch of his life. Ianto tugged him so close Jack thought their skin was going to melt together. When Ianto finally let him go they both had to take several gasps for air.

“Don’t ever apologize for that,” Ianto whispered. His eyes were suspiciously wet.

“So… not the wrong thing to say?” he guessed.

Ianto nodded and drew him close. “Thank you, Jack,” he said solemnly against Jack’s lips, and then toppled them back on the couch.

[*]

“We all know why we’re here,” Gwen announced, standing at the head of the conference table.

“The meeting has been called to order,” Lisa muttered to Owen. The doctor smothered a laugh, and Gwen glared at them both.

“We are  _here_  to decide whether we should reinstate Jack as leader of Torchwood Three. It’s been three months since he came back, we said we’d discuss it now-”

“If we were all still alive-”

“Yes  _thank you_ , Owen, and we are. So. What do we think?”

“He bought a flat,” Lisa started.

“That’s bought, not rented,” Tosh added on.

“He’s getting well shagged,” Owen said with significance. In response to the dirty looks he was being thrown by the others, he put up his hands. “Hey, it matters. I’ve never seen him go out with the same person twice, much less two weeks straight.”

“He is much happier than I’ve ever seen him,” Gwen admitted.

“He’s nicer.”

“He gets work done faster and hasn’t upset as many contacts in our sister agencies.”

“He’s only died twice,” Gwen said thoughtfully. “ The first few months I worked here, he died seven times. And that’s only what I saw myself.”

The others went quiet at the new information.

“He sleeps more often,” Owen mentioned. “But I didn’t tell you that. Doctor-patient privilege.”

“So the question is, can we trust him to lead us again without running of when we need him most?” Gwen asked the others.

Tosh looked at her colleagues before nodding decisively. “I think we can.”

“Yeah,” Owen said softly, staring at the table.

Lisa shrugged. “I vote yes, but is this a good time to mention I’m going to transfer to London soon?”

There was a long moment of shocked silence.

“Don’t you all say you’ll miss me at once,” Lisa said sarcastically.

The others immediately burst into dismayed protests. At the forefront of her friends’ cries was ‘Why?’

The archivist smiled in appreciation. “I miss the city, I miss my family, I miss the friends I had there. And I’ll still talk to you lot all the time, I promise, I just… I came here to get over the Battle, and… you guys have helped me do that. I just didn’t want to leave before things were all settled here.”

Gwen walked around the table to embrace her. “We’re all going to miss you,” she said passionately. “But I am happy for you. And so proud.”

Lisa smiled and stepped back so Tosh could give her a hug. “You’re going to have to start paying for your Skype account,” the tech said solemnly. “So we can get group video chat.”

“Why do I have to pay?” Lisa demanded.

“Because you’re the one moving away!”

“You’re the one who made me get it in the first place!”

Owen nudged Gwen aside. “Alright, alright, I’ll pay. Consider it my going-away present,” he said into Lisa’s hair as she hugged him.

“Oh no Doctor Harper, I expect a proper night out, drinks for all of us,” she told him, grinning.

Owen pursed his lips, but shrugged. “Fine, if it’ll get you out of our hair faster.”

“Right. But-” she looked at Gwen, “I’m only leaving if I know you lot will be fine without me. So what do you say, Gwen?”

There was no need to clarify. Gwen smiled sadly. “As much as I wish I had a different answer now,” she gestured at their configuration, Tosh and Owen both with an arm around Lisa, “I have to say yes. Jack’s earned his position back.”

“How do we tell him?” Tosh asked them.

“Let me do it,” Lisa requested, beginning to smile deviously. “I’ve got quite a surprise planned for him.”

The team laughed in relief, anticipation, and a small measure of sadness.


	6. Part 5

Jack didn’t call him for several days straight. Ianto checked the news for odd things, as he’d been learning to, and discovered a medical contractor that’d been shut down by ‘the government’ and a rash of strange deaths at St. Helen’s Hospital and bided his time, hoping Jack and his colleagues were alright. He wondered if this was how the spouses of police officers felt, and thought how strange it was to be in this position.

Finally, Jack called, five days after they’d last spoken. He apologized for not calling and said he was fine, just tired. He did sound tired, very tired, but he asked to see Ianto the next night.

At seven, the usual time, Ianto showed up at Jack’s building and waved to Keith, the security guard Jack had introduced him to after he’d been thrown out. Keith had taken the whole thing with remarkable aplomb, merely asking Jack to warn people the next time he started feeling sick. Ianto was used to saying hello on his way to Jack’s flat, but today Keith waved him over to the security booth instead.

“I haven’t been blacklisted again, have I?” he asked, mostly joking.

Keith chuckled. “Not yet. But I haven’t seen your man around lately. He’s not been hurt or anythin’, has he?”

Ianto frowned. “He was fine when I spoke to him last night. He hasn’t been home?”

Keith waved at the log on his computer. “Not for five days.”

“Is he here now?”

“No, like I said, five days.”

Ianto thought. “Could I go check? I wouldn’t put it past him to try and sneak by you.”

“Aye, he’d probably do it for a laugh,” Keith agreed. “Alright, go on up. But do call him if he’s not their, eh? Rob an’ I’ve been gettin’ worried.”

“Sure.”

Ianto hurried up to Jack’s flat and let himself in with the key Jack had given him. He walked through the rooms, and when it quickly became clear that Jack wasn’t there, Ianto whipped out his mobile and hit speed dial three.

No answer.

And again.

And again.

He dialed Tosh’s number, which he’d got that night at the pub. He’d called before, but she always said she was too busy with work to do anything with him. This time, she didn’t even answer.

He nearly threw the useless phone down the hallway. Why hadn’t he thought to get Lisa’s number again, or one of the others? Now he had no way of contacting his missing boyfriend, no way of seeing if he was alright.

He descended to the ground floor again, filled with an icy panic. Keith gave him a concerned look. “You find him?”

“No, you were right, he’s not home.”

“Should I call the police?”

“No,” Ianto decided, knowing Jack wouldn’t want anyone looking for him if he was at work. “No, I, uh. I’m going to call his work, some friends. See if I can get a hold of them.” He tried to sound more confident than he really was, and, luckily, it seemed like Keith accepted it.

“Alright then, but if something comes up, me or Rob’ll give you a hand, alright?”  
  
“Thanks,” Ianto said a little numbly.

“‘S what we’re here for.”

Three hours later Mike glared at him in annoyance while Ianto paced the flat, silently having a heart attack.

“For God’s sake, will you quit that, you’re givin’ me a migraine,” Mike shot at him after increasingly frustrated glares.

“Sorry,” Ianto said, sitting down on the couch. “I’m just worried. He said he would be there, it‘s not like him to just miss things like this.”

“If by ‘not like him’ you mean it happens every other week!”

Ianto shot him a look. “If you’ve not got anything constructive to say-”

“Constructive?” Mike shouted. “The bugger stood you up! Again! There’s nothin’ to be done about it but find yourself another boyfriend. Or a girlfriend,” he said quickly.

“For the last time, I’m with Jack!” Ianto said angrily. “I’m not going to leave him just because you keep saying I should!”

“All I’m sayin’ is, you should be with someone reliable. Someone who doesn’t scare your arse off every week wonderin’ whether he’s alive or dead!”

“That’s not his fault!”  
  
“I’m not sayin’ it is!” Mike retorted loudly. He threw up his hands “Christ, it’s like living with a girlfriend again, just without any of the benefits.”

Ianto stood up, face dark. “How many times do I have to tell you-”

“No, that wasn’t a dig, I swear.” Mike made a frustrated noise. “I just mean- you’re not happy! You’re stressed, you’re afraid. And you won’t even bloody tell me what’s going on!”

Ianto fell back on the couch and punched the cushion.

[*]

Ianto’s phone rang on the way to work the next morning. Mike, whose turn it was to drive, glanced over and muttered something when he figured out who it was. Ianto ignored him and answered.

“Jack?”

“Sorry, no, this is Gwen.”

“Where’s Jack?” Ianto demanded.

“He’s fine, he wants to say sorry for missing you last night. We got rather bogged down.”

“Why can’t he tell me himself?” he asked through gritted teeth.

Gwen hesitated. “We’ve still got a lot of work to do. We’re really busy around here, and I know-”

“You know what, save it,” Ianto cut her off. “Tell him to try and find a spot in his diary to tell me he’s not dead.”

He snapped the mobile shut and this time, he chucked in into the leg-room of the passenger side, swearing when it bounced and hit his shin.

Mike had good survival instincts: he didn’t laugh. “You alright?”

“I’m fine.”

Wisely, Mike didn’t answer. Instead he switched on the radio and they didn’t speak the rest of the way to the shop.

[*]

By noontime, Ianto was barely managing to keep up a polite face to the customers. It didn’t help that his sister had called and was less than appreciative of his continued excuses for why he couldn’t come visit her and the kids. Every time she called him Hilary Ianto wanted to scream, and having to modulate his voice to make it sound less masculine made his throat ache. He’d almost decided to sod it all and just tell her, but… he did love her, and he didn’t want to lose her, shaky as their relationship may be.

When a broad, clean-shaven man with light brown hair and warm hazel eyes introduced himself as Gwen Cooper’s fiancé, it was just the latest in what was already looking to be a terrible day.

“Why don’t you come to the break room?” he suggested, smiling in a friendly way.

Rhys smiled back. “Thanks mate. And could I get a coffee while you’re at it? Large regular with cream and sugar?”

Ianto’s smile became strained. “Sure.”

He brought back a coffee for himself and the other man. “Did Gwen send you?” he opened.

“Yeah,” Rhys answered, sipping his coffee. “First time I’ve- wow, this is fantastic!” He lifted up his mug like staring at it would make it give up its secrets. “Really, I’ve never had anything this-”

“Thank you,” Ianto said tersely, though he smiled when Rhys looked at him curiously. “What were you saying about Gwen?”

“Oh, yeah, uh,” the man tried to reclaim his train of thought, “yeah! I was sayin’, her tellin’ me to come see you here was the first time I’ve heard from her in days.”

“Really,” Ianto said blandly. He wasn’t sure Rhys was lying, but he wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t either.

“Yeah. Plus, she didn’t say what this was about. Just that I should talk about what we’ve got in common. You, uh,” he dithered for a moment, “you wouldn’t happen to know what that is?”

Ianto waited several moments until he could control his anger. Jack couldn’t find the time- or was it the courage- to call him, so he sent Gwen’s fiancé instead? “I’m Jack’s boyfriend.”

Rhys’ eyes boggled for a long moment and his mouth hung open. Ianto wondered for a moment if Rhys had ever met Jack, and then considered that the problem might be that he _had_  met Jack. Ianto was well aware that Jack could be very flirtatious, even when he was out and about with Ianto.

“That arsehole!” Rhys finally spluttered. “I asked if he was gay, he might have said something!”  
  
“He’s not,” Ianto snapped. “He’s bisexual.”

“Oh,” Rhys said disappointedly, and the guileless and rather funny expression cooled off a little of Ianto’s anger. “But-” the other man bucked up, “he is with you, right? He’s off the market?”

“Yes,” Ianto answered confidently. They hadn’t discussed it in such terms, but Ianto had implied that he wasn’t comfortable with anyone in a couple seeing other people, and Jack had managed to convey he was okay with that. They were blokes. They didn’t need to talk about it.

“Thank God.” Rhys grinned, sat back in his chair and took a long swig of coffee. “There’s a load off my mind. You’ve met my Gwen, right?” Ianto nodded. “I don’t know if you can tell, but she’s quite a catch.”

Ianto rolled his eyes when Rhys took another gulp of coffee.

“So she probably wants us to talk about bein’ Torchwood widowers, then.”

“Being- what?”

“I came up with the name,” Rhys told him, looking proud. “Before Gwen started workin’ for Torchwood, she was a PC. At her level, most of ‘em were single, but some of the higher-ups had wives, and I found out they got called ‘the mistresses.’ Cause their husbands’ work was important, see. So they got shunted to second-best.”

Ianto nodded, trying to pretend he didn’t understand what Rhys was saying. Because he did, all too well.

“Gwen and I work hard on our relationship,” Rhys said seriously. “We’re gonna get married pretty soon. People say marriage is hard work, but I think we’ll be better prepared than most couples. Because we already know about staying together through the tough times and the good times and all that. I love her,” he said, leaning in like it was confidential, “and that’s why I stick around.”

Ianto nodded absently, staring into his own nearly full coffee. “We’ve only been going out for a few months,” he said after a minute.

Rhys nodded and shifted in his chair. “Okay. Then consider this a friendly warning.” He waited until Ianto was looking at him. “This job is tough. I’m not talkin’ about theirs, I’m talkin’ about ours. Gwen’s come home to me with gunshot wounds, traumatized. She’s been poisoned. Last month she forgot who I was.”

Ianto started.

“Other times she can’t stop cryin’. Sometimes I’ll be speakin’ to her and it’s like she’s not there. But it’s my job to be there for her anyway and make sure she’s got everything she needs, because she’s got her head in the stars and I’ve got to keep my feet on the ground. And it’s worth it, because I know she loves me, and she comes home to me every night- well, most nights.” He smiled, “Even with that smiling bastard there, she comes back to me.”

“Why are you doing this?” Ianto whispered.

“Because bein’ with someone in Torchwood is a million times tougher than bein’ with anyone else. And you’ve got to know what you’re in for and be willing to do what you’ve got to, or else you should get out before you hurt the both of you.”

Ianto took a deep breath. With an uncertain hand, he sipped his lukewarm coffee.

Rhys watched him. “I didn’t meant to scare you.”

Ianto shrugged. Rhys shifted uncomfortably.

“Okay, I’m sorry, it’s not usually like I’m makin’ it sound. To be honest, I wouldn’t worry all that much. Captain Jack’s got some kind of supernatural luck or somethin’, I’ve never seen him with so much as a paper cut. Gwen said he never gets hurt. And if you’ve lasted this long, especially with some of the shit that’s been happenin’ lately, I reckon you’ve got a good shot of it.”

Ianto smiled weakly. “Thanks for that.”

“Anyone that could put up with Jack for a few months is more than up to a few aliens, I bet.”

“A few what?”

Rhys’ eyes widened. Suddenly, he looked alarmed- and guilty. “Don’t tell Gwen I said that. Or Jack, oh bloody- just forget I said that!”

Ianto nodded, giving Rhys a very strange look. “Sure.”

Rhys looked relieved. “Okay, well,” he checked is watch, “my lunch break’s nearly over. Just cause I’m the boss doesn’t mean I can skive off more than twice a week!” He grinned.

“What do you do?”

“I’m the manager at Harwood’s Haulage!” Rhys said proudly. When Ianto shook his head blankly, Rhys hummed a little tune. “You won’t be sorry with a Harwood’s lorry!”

“Oh, yeah,” Ianto remembered. “Catchy.”

“Wrote it myself.”

[*]

Around four in the afternoon Jack texted that he was sorry for missing him the last few days and that he wanted to make it up to him. He asked Ianto to pick up a movie- whatever he wanted- and bring it to Jack’s flat.

Haunted by Rhys’ story, Ianto got a movie he knew Jack liked,  _Casablanca_. He waved off Mike at the end of their shift and walked to Jack’s building. He didn’t know what time Jack was going to get there, so he picked up take-away on the walk.

Rob was on duty, and said that he’d pass the message on that Jack was alright if he saw Keith before Ianto did. Ianto settled himself on Jack’s couch with one of the biographies from his study.

Seven rolled around, and then eight, and nine, and Ianto finished the book. He put in back on the shelf and dallied over choosing another, eventually returning to the couch empty-handed and watching dusk play out through the windows. He thought about what Mike had said, about how he was always anxious nowadays and he deserved someone who didn’t make him worry. He thought about Rhys, who complained about his life and then said being with Gwen balanced it out. He thought about Jack, who thought he was gorgeous and shared his home and sometimes told Ianto things with the most startling look of vulnerability, like he wasn’t sure how Ianto would respond. And he thought about the look on Jack’s face when he forgave him, and Jack looked so relieved and grateful, and- three months was far too soon to say loving, right?

He must have drifted off at some point, the anxiety of the last few days catching up with him, because he woke up to the sound of someone moving quietly around him. The sky was dark outside the windows and Ianto sat up slowly. “Jack?”

“Hey.” One of the small lamps beside the couch flicked on, and the familiar shape of Ianto’s boyfriend settled next to him on the couch, only nudging him over and pulling him back when he tried to sit up.

“What time is it?” he mumbled.

“Nearly midnight.”

Ianto started scrabbling in his pocket. “Damn, I have to call Mike, he always worries if I’m late-”

“I called him,” Jack soothed, catching Ianto’s wrist just before he elbowed Jack in the gut. “I said you were staying over here tonight, I didn’t want to wake you up.”

Ianto blinked at Jack in the dim light of the lamp. “And how did that work out for you?”

“My ears are ringing a bit,” the captain admitted. “But it was worth it, if I get to keep you all night.”

‘ _It’s worth it, because I know she loves me, and she comes home to me every night- well, most nights._ ’

“I’m sorry,” Jack said roughly into his ear. The rest of the apartment felt like a tomb, a peaceful place of rest made from unmovable stone. “I should have called, it’s just- it’s been so-” his voice hitched, and Ianto tugged him closer so Jack was laying half on top of him. If was nearly uncomfortable, except for the thickness and give of the sofa cushions.

“What happened?” he murmured.

“Owen- Owen was shot. He- he nearly died. At this research facility where they were conducting these- these  _horrible_  experiments, you wouldn’t believe it. And then the hospital… a dozen people died, and we couldn’t save them.”

Ianto got his arms free and wrapped them around Jack. The part of his mind that was undoubtedly playing defense sarcastically commented that they probably weren’t going to be watching  _Casablanca_  tonight, or doing anything else fun. He inhaled Jack’s scent, always so fresh, even though he hadn’t been home in days.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, suddenly feeling useless. “I’m sorry.”

Jack shook. His face was buried in Ianto’s neck, and the younger man could feel his collar and skin getting wet. He kept holding him, stroking his back and his hair, whispering whatever condolences came into his head.

After a while, Jack relaxed, sniffing. Ianto shifted so they were lying more side-by-side and inconspicuously shook out the parts of him that had fallen asleep.

“I got Chinese,” he said quietly. “And that red wine you like. You want something?”

Jack nodded. “Thanks.”

Ianto poured the wine while the food was reheating. When he got back to the living room Jack had tugged off his boots and his blue over shirt, leaning him looking almost defenseless in pure white socks and vest. He ate his food quickly and Ianto handed over his own plate as well, reassuring Jack he’d eaten earlier. By the time they got to the wine, Jack was looking a good deal calmer.

“I’m sorry about that,” he indicated the way they had been lying on the couch. “I guess- I can’t let it out at work. They all still see me as a big hero, there’s no one who sees past that. Not even Martha, who’s got the most reason to.”

“Martha?” Ianto inquired. It seemed that was the right idea, because Jack smiled nostalgically.

“Martha Jones, actually. Good friend. She saved me, when I was on my vacation from Cardiff. Saved all of us, actually.”

“I should thank her.”

Jack grinned at him. “Oh, I’d love you two to meet. I bet you’d get along, probably gang up on me. But she left,” he mused, rubbing his lips absently.

Then he looked at Ianto. “Uh…”

“What sort of old friend did you say she was?” Ianto asked, tone frosty.

“Just a friend,” Jack said quickly.

“But?”

“She kissed me goodbye.”

“A friendly peck?”

“More like a snog, actually,” Jack told him, wearing a sheepish expression. “I think she just wanted to know what all the fuss was about,” he joked. “But she’s just a friend, Ianto, I promise.”

Ianto remembered Rhys’ worries about Jack and how he’d believed his girlfriend was coming home to him, even though she worked next to Jack Harkness every day. “Okay,” Ianto accepted. Martha wasn’t even in Cardiff anymore. He could handle a snog between friends. Really, he could.

Jack looked surprised, and Ianto winked and fetched the wine bottle. He poured them both another glass. “How did you meet?”

Jack frowned. “I can’t tell you the details,” he said apologetically. “We met through my old friend, the one I left to travel with. It’s not a nice story, anyway,” he said, a touch morbidly.

Ianto sighed. “That’s okay,” he said, watching Jack carefully. “That’s life as a Torchwood widower.”

Jack froze. Then he stared at Ianto intensely. “She introduced you to Rhys?!”

Ianto cracked up. “Oh God, your face!” Jack scowled. “What do the two of you have against each other, anyway?”

“I don’t have anything against him, he has something against me,” Jack muttered.

“He thought you were having an affair with Gwen,” Ianto informed him.

“I wasn’t!” Jack objected.

“I know, that’s obvious.” The sexual tension between the two of them was definitely  _not_  resolved. “But you can see why Rhys might think that?”

Jack rolled his eyes and Ianto laughed again.

“So what else did he tell you?” Jack asked.

Ianto thought he saw a hint of suspicion, but it was quickly hidden. “He said you don’t get hurt as much as Gwen.”

Jack chuckled. “He’s right,” he said ironically. Ianto wanted to ask why, but Jack didn’t give him a chance. “So… You don’t need to worry,” Jack told him seriously.

Ianto looked at him curiously. “Of course I’m going to worry. But,” he shifted over to lean against Jack, who was supported in the corner of the couch, “I’m alright with that.”

[*]

A long time after the food was gone and they'd drained the wine bottle, Ianto was curled up in Jack's arms on the couch. (Jack always had to be the big spoon. Ianto would've fought it on principle, but he had to admit, Jack was a wonderful cuddler.) He was drowsy from the wine and wondering if Jack wanted to go to bed soon.

He squirmed around so he was facing Jack, but then he noticed Jack's thousand-mile stare at the black television screen. He studied the barely-there squint that meant Jack was thinking deeply, not just drifting, and the way his rich lips had settled with a slight smile, and decided it would be safe to ask. “What are you thinking about?”  
Jack blinked, then looked down at him, and the slight smile grew. “You.”

Ianto did  _not_ blush. He'd been working on it. “I'm flattered. Anything in particular?”

Jack gave him the appraising, wary look that Ianto had come to recognize as the 'am-I-about-to-cross-a-line?' look. He'd seen it a lot less often with Jack than with some people he’d known, but it was nearly as familiar to him as his own face in the mirror. “You can tell me. I almost promise I won't get mad.”

Jack huffed, then nodded. “Why did you change your name?”

Ianto tensed. After everything he'd come through, the therapy and the support groups and sorting out his head on all sorts of things, Jack always managed to get his back up. Paying the bill, getting him flowers, those were clichéd 'woman's' things. Ianto always managed to be patient when Mike did things like that, but when it was Jack, he got angry. Part of it was a somewhat irrational belief that Jack should know better. But some of the anger came from the fact that these silly traditions, things men did for women, felt alright when it was Jack. Just like when Jack bought him rugby tickets or sat through fantasy movies, he knew Jack was doing them to make him happy. Jack had brought him flowers with a shy smile, and Ianto hadn't realized what a wonderful thing that was until after he'd said something snide and ruined it.

He didn't want to do that again. They'd had a nice evening, after a fashion, and they were both loose from the wine. And it really wasn't Jack's fault that Ianto had never gotten around to talking about his name in therapy.

Since he’d tensed, Jack tensed, like he was about to unwrap his arms from Ianto. Ianto sighed and grabbed his arm, entreating him to stay. “It's fine.”

Jack nodded unsurely. “Hilary...” he said, like he was tasting the name, and Ianto nearly tensed again- actually he nearly started shouting, just like he did whenever Mike called him that- before Jack continued, “can be a man's name, too.”

Ianto forced himself to calm down. “Yes. But it's not my name.” He kissed Jack's jaw a moment later for saying that more harshly than he should've.

Jack smiled: forgiven. “I can understand that,” he said wryly, and Ianto smiled.

“What, is Captain Jack Harkness an alias?” His laughter slowed and he stared at Jack. “Is it?” he said incredulously.

Jack sighed, watching the television screen again. His arm twitch around Ianto. “No, it's not,” he said at last, decisively.

Ianto stared for another moment, processing, then laid his head back on Jack's chest. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

“It's a long story.”

“I am a bit tired,” Ianto said agreeably. “It’s getting late, I should...”

“No,” Jack said quickly. “I... There are a lot of things in my past that... I don't want you to think badly of me,” he finally admitted.

Ianto looked back up at him, eyebrows knitting together. “Hey...” He got Jack's attention and then spoke softly. “After I left for London, I was kind of a mess. I didn't know anyone, I didn't know anything about the city, I still wasn't sure who I really was or how I could be that person. I did some things-” he frowned and bit his lip, because he hated talking about this and wasn't sure how much he even wanted to hint at, “-some things that I don't want anyone who knows me to think about when they look at me. But I've changed a lot since then, so I understand skeletons in the closet, Jack. I don't want you to tell me anything you don't want to tell me.”

Jack looked at him like his face held the mysteries of the universe. “Thank you,” he said quietly. “You don't know how much that means to me.”

“I put up with enough mystery from you,” he nodded at the unopened DVD case on the coffee table. “I can handle some more.”

“Do you want to go to bed?” Jack asked, leaning forward so their chests were flush together.

Ianto smiled. “I thought you'd never ask.”

[*]

When Tosh and Owen began shutting down their stations around noontime, Jack was expecting another ‘talk’ with Gwen. It was pretty obvious, considering Owen didn’t actually  _need_ to go out to lunch anymore. He hoped he wouldn’t be chewed out too badly for going against Gwen’s orders, especially with what his actions had done to Owen.

To his surprise, it wasn’t Gwen who knocked on his door after the cog wheel door closed, but Lisa. “What’s up?” She sat down in the chair opposite his desk, looking somewhat hesitant. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes, everything’s fine, Jack, it’s just…” she looked down at her hands. “This is hard.”

Jack nodded patiently. “Okay. Whatever you need.”

She smiled at him, nostalgic and grateful and Jack started to get a bad feeling about it, but he didn’t say anything. “First, I have some good news,” she told him, and he sat up attentively. “We, collectively, feel that it’s time you became our leader again.”

For a minute, Jack had to stare at her. He didn’t like having to take a backseat to Gwen, but he’d gotten used to it. He didn’t like knowing that his team felt they couldn’t rely on him, but having to prove that he was responsible had made him get his act together and actually work hard for the first time in years, instead of ignoring his paperwork and letting the others handle the boring stuff. When he wasn’t leader was when he’d finally started to feel like part of the team. And now that was over, and he felt- well, happy, and grateful, and excited, yes, but also like he was losing something.

“Thank you,” he said honestly. “This means a lot to me.”

Lisa looked like she understood. “Exactly. And I hope you won’t forget that.”

Jack nodded. “I won’t, I promise.”

“Good. Because the second thing is that I won’t be around to remind you.”

Jack gaped. “What?”  
  
“Torchwood London is reopening, as you know,” she reminded him, “and I’ve been offered a job there.”

Jack shook his head, but huffed a laugh. “I always knew you were a big city girl. But it’s going to be hard to replace you.”

“Not that hard,” she corrected, raising her eyebrows. “I’ve got someone in mind.”

“Oh yeah? Who?” Jack asked, grinning.

“Ianto.”

“No,” Jack said instinctively, actually jerking back in his chair. “Why would you suggest him?”

“He’s a perfect fit,” Lisa explained quickly, knowing Jack’s reflex would be to say no. “He’s actually got a good resume to work as a Torchwood archivist, between his jobs and Uni. He’s already met the team and made friends. He knows the demands of the job, so he won’t wash out in the first week, and he’s a barista. We practically live on coffee here,” she insisted when Jack made a ‘what?’ gesture. “The only question is whether he has the temperament, and if he hasn’t changed too much from when I knew him, he’d be able to handle it.”

Jack was shaking his head. “No way. I’m not asking my boyfriend to work with me!”

“Don’t pretend you wouldn’t love it,” Lisa chastised. “Getting to see him all day, every day?”

“It’s not fun and games.”

“No, I know. Sometimes working with your boyfriend can be tough,” she admitted. “But it’s different at Torchwood. At London, we were practically encouraged to fraternize, because having someone that close to you who understood the things that scared you makes you stronger.”

“You know what scares me?” Jack asked darkly. He stood up and turned to stare out over the Hub. “It’s worrying about the people I care about. Worrying that any day now, one of you could hit the wrong button on a piece of tech or get mauled by a weevil, or have an accident with a toaster! And you’ll die. So after all that,” he turned back to Lisa, “Why would I ask Ianto to work for an organization that I know would kill him eventually?”

“To make him happy,” she answered. At his questioning expression, she stood up. “Let me show you something.”

[*]

“So… you catch aliens?”

“Yep.”

Ianto looked at the ceiling of Jack’s flat and wondered if this was one of those scenes where he’d get shot if he tried to run. “What… kind of aliens?”

“All kinds. Body-snatchers, sleeper cells. Cybermen and Daleks, those are the ones that really destroyed Torchwood London.” Ianto looked at him with surprise. “Yeah, not a bombing. Those are the malicious ones. But we get friendly aliens, too. Space whales, aliens who end up on Earth by accident and just want somewhere to live in peace. Humans, too, from the past, the present and the future.”

“Now there’s time travel?” Ianto said incredulously.

Jack leaned closer. Ianto unconsciously leaned away and his back hit the arm of the couch. “You remember when I told you about where I come from?”

“Were you lying?” Ianto asked quietly. He didn’t know what to think anymore, except that his boyfriend had been lying about everything else, and was also maybe delusional.

“No,” Jack said, and he sounded honest. “I just didn’t tell you the whole story. I’m from the future.”

Ianto barely stopped himself from choking on his own tongue. “This is- I- I can’t believe this.”

Jack stood up and held out his hand. “Then let me show you.”

[*]

“I just wish you’d told us this was your plan,” Gwen told Lisa unhappily as they all sat clustered on the platform.

“He’s not bad for Jack, but don’t we get a say in whether he gets hired?” Owen complained.

Tosh agreed. “Do we know he’ll be able to do a job?” she asked. “I mean, I like him, but we don’t know that he’s qualified.”

“He’s qualified as a boy toy, that’s about it.” Owen snorted. “Jack just wants him more readily available.”

“Actually,” Lisa glared at the doctor, “Jack didn’t want him to be in danger. I had to convince him that Ianto would be a good fit.”

“Are you sure you’re not biased?” Gwen suggested carefully. “I mean, you used to go out with him.”

“He worked in a library when I met him,” Lisa remembered. “The librarians loved him, they always asked him for help since he had such a good memory. He was efficient and polite, even with the sort who don’t understand the concept of an inside voice.”

“And this qualifies him for Torchwood how, again?” Owen said spitefully.

“The tourist office is about to get shut down because it’s open about one day a week on average,” Lisa pointed out. “And when any of us goes up there, we’re bored and can’t answer the tourists’ questions anyway. Ianto grew up just outside Cardiff, he knows his way around. I know he’d be able to pick up the archiving system fast, he could do all the archiving from the tourist office.”

“Doesn’t he work at the place Jack’s been buying all our coffee from recently?” Tosh asked mischievously.

Lisa grinned. “That’s right. Wouldn’t you like the source of that coffee working ten feet from your desk?”

“I think that’s the best argument so far,” Owen decided.

“It seems like you’ve thought this through,” Gwen acknowledged. Lisa nodded. “Well, Jack’s the boss. And this is going to be more personal for him than for us.”  
  
“So you’ll give him a chance?” Lisa asked them.

A creaking sound made them all look up as the invisible lift opened. A blue-coated figure and one in a black suit began to descend.

“I guess we will.” Gwen led them down the stairs.

[*]

The pavement stone they were standing on lurched and began to drop. Ianto couldn't hold back a gasp and he grabbed the arm Jack had stuck out, like he knew it was coming. Ianto glared and the captain laughed. “Prepare to have your mind blown, Ianto Jones.” He winked.

Ianto blushed.

As soon as their heads descended past the ground, some sort of cover folded out and covered up the hole in... in the ceiling! Ianto looked down and nearly gasped again at the wide open cavern that stretched far below and so wide around. He had a sudden thought.

“Are you sure the Plass is structurally sound?” he asked Jack. “I mean, with this place below it, isn't it liable to collapse?”

Jack sighed heavily. “I forgive you, you're Welsh,” he told Ianto in a very put-upon tone.

Ianto would have said something back, but he was too busy gaping as a pteranodon flew by their heads, screeching.

“That's Bill,” Jack said casually. “Gave us a lot of trouble catching him.”

“That's impossible,” Ianto breathed. “This- how can this be here?”

They were nearing the floor and Ianto gazed out at the several levels of platforms and rickety walkways hanging above a pool of water at the foot of the water tower. Jack's colleagues- Gwen, Tosh, Owen and Lisa- were walking down so they were standing near the place where the platform was coming to rest.

The moment it stopped, Jack jumped off and offered his hand to help Ianto down. This earned him a withering glare, and the hand was quickly withdrawn.

“Welcome to Torchwood, Ianto.” Gwen waved and smiled invitingly.

Ianto stepped off the lift, trying to pretend that his knees weren’t shaking. He couldn't stop looking around him in awe, though he did try to stop when he saw the smug looks on the faces of Jack's team. “This is...” He couldn't finish that sentence. “Why under the Plass?”

“Convenience,” Jack answered. “This is the dead center of the Rift.”

“The- the rift in time and space,” Ianto said vaguely, reaching out for Jack's arm again.

Jack held him steady. “Why don't I show you around?”

Twenty minutes later, Ianto was feeling physically more steady, but mentally he felt like the world and turned inside out without him noticing. And that wasn't too far from the truth!

“And lastly, we have the scariest part of Torchwood,” Jack said loudly, winking conspiratorially at Ianto. The younger man managed to summon up a weak smile- they'd just left the Weevil's cell.

“Very funny, Jack,” Lisa said dryly as she emerged from a room up ahead. “I hope you like it; the archives end up being your second home.”

“What?” Ianto said intelligently.

“You haven't told him?” Lisa tilted her head dangerously at the captain.

Jack put his hands in front of him in defense. “Down girl.” He motioned for Ianto to go ahead of him and followed close behind. When Ianto stopped just inside the doors, Jack bumped into him. “Overcome with awe?” he teased.

Ianto nodded silently. Before him was a veritable warehouse of aisles stacked twenty feet high with all sorts of unusual and incredible things. Along the far wall, some two hundred feet away, filing cabinets stretched from floor to ceiling. “What is this place?”

“This is the Torchwood Archives,” Lisa said kindly, pointing him to a long poster on the wall that explained how the archives were organized. The Torchwood symbol of a T made of hexagons graced the top of the board.

“We don’t just get aliens through the Rift,” Jack explained. “Most of the time, we get stuff. A lot of it’s useless, some of it’s deadly, and some of it’s amazing, but it’s all cataloged here.”

Ianto stepped closer to one of the rows, examining a gold metallic artifact that appeared to curl in on itself continuously and wouldn’t come into focus when he blinked.

Jack stepped up close behind him and put his hands on Ianto’s shoulders, speaking intimately in his ear. “Over a hundred years of flotsam and jetsam, all stored here.”

“It’s amazing,” Ianto said quietly.

“How would you like to be in charge of it?”

Ianto spun around. “What are you talking about?”

“Overseeing the Archives is my job,” Lisa told him. She was leaning back against a desk he hadn’t noticed, just to the left of the entrance. “I’m moving back to London, though. So Torchwood’s looking for a new Archivist, and we think you’re the man for the job.” She winked.

Ianto looked between her and Jack, trying to convince himself he wasn’t dreaming or being pranked. “Yes,” he said, feeling slightly faint. “I’d love to work here.”

A smile burst onto Jack’s face and he gave Ianto a huge hug. Jack’s laughter was always contagious, and Ianto and Lisa found themselves talking excitedly as they walked upstairs to tell the others that Ianto had accepted the job.

[*]

A week into Ianto’s service at Torchwood Three, Jack called him into his office after the others had left. Ianto brought them both coffee and sat down opposite Jack.

“So, how are you liking Torchwood?” Jack began.

“I’ve gotten over my shock a bit, though I don‘t know how I‘ll get used to Owen being dead. I think I’m going to enjoy it here,” he answered honestly. “The archives are absolutely incredible, and Lisa’s organizational system only needs to be tweaked slightly.”

“So you’re staying?” Jack said quickly.

Ianto nodded. “Yes, I am.”

“Are you sure?” Jack’s narrowed eyes inspected him shrewdly.

Ianto blinked at the expression. “Yes, I’m certain that I’ll not be going back to being a barista.” The corners of his lips curled in preparation for Jack’s remark about coffee still being part of his job description.

Instead, Jack only nodded and looked away. “Good, that’s good.” The captain took another sip of coffee.

When the gap in the conversation had become unwieldy, Ianto spoke up. “Is that all you called me here for?”

Jack set the coffee cup on his desk with a decisive clink. “Ianto, do you remember when I told you about the place where I grew up?”

“Of course.”

“I want to explain some of the things I mentioned. Things about future technology,” he prompted.

Ianto remembered. “That girl, who went to the hospital and came back a boy, in the same day?”

“I knew people who did that,” Jack confirmed. “Became female, male, third gender. Fourth gender, although that wasn’t really meant for humans, but some people have got to be trendsetters,” he shrugged. Jack realized that Ianto was looking a bit dazed, and smiled wickedly, enjoying that his boyfriend and newest employee wasn’t  _too_ used to Torchwood yet that he couldn’t be unsettled . “I even knew some folk who switched back and forth. After a few repetitions the transition’s not as stable, though. Human bodies don’t like to be messed with  _too_  much.”

“Get to the point?” Ianto asked weakly.

Jack reached to the ground behind his desk and carefully set on its surface a shiny metal shape. To Ianto’s eyes, it looked like one of those self-massage tools for the back, with a ribbed ball on one end and a long handle to reach over the shoulder. “What is it?”

Jack looked him in the eye. “It’s a medical instrument used to stabilize a sex-change.”

“What, so, you press a button, flick a switch and, just like that, you’ve switched your sex?” Ianto asked rhetorically.

“It’s not that simple,” Jack said, slightly peeved. “This is technology from the ninth millennium, way after my time. We’re lucky it’s so easy to use, plus hand-held body mods got insanely pricey once the First Great and Bountiful Human Empire stopped funding the production for political reasons. I remember-”

“Jack!” Ianto said loudly, hands flat on the desk. “Will it work, or not?”

“I checked it myself. Fully operational.”

“And- what does it do, exactly?” Ianto pressed. “How much of a change can it imprint?”

“It goes right down to the DNA, this baby. The obvious secondary sexual characteristics, yeah, but it also does musculature, body fat orientation, facial construction, fully functioning reproductive organs,” he smiled, eyes alight. “Everything exactly as it would be if you were born a man.”

Ianto could only gape. “I can’t believe this.  _Thank you_ ,” he said fervently, mind racing.

“Thank Lisa,” Jack suggested. “She found this,” he indicated the silver tech, “among forty years of uncategorized artifacts. I would never have known about it if she hadn’t located it and brought it to my attention. Not to mention that she was the one who initially recommended you for the job.”

Ianto shook his head, sure it was too good to be true. “What’s the catch?”

“The catch,” Jack said seriously, “is that only Torchwood operatives are permitted to operate time-displaced technology. If you quit or get fired, and we need to retcon you, we’ll have to revert your body back to the way it was before you joined Torchwood.”

Ianto sat back in the chair, thinking heavily.

Jack gave him a few minutes, working on some of the paperwork that was always requiring his attention. He looked up when Ianto breathed in like he was going to speak.

“This wouldn’t- change anything, would it?” he asked, an odd, nervous expression on his face.

Jack considered. “Well, you’d probably need to get a new suit fitted before Gwen’s wedding.”

“No, I mean- I meant-” He hesitated.

Jack smiled gently. “I know. And no, Ianto. Whatever you chose will make no difference to me.”

“I sort of hope it will,” Ianto said quietly, blushing as he smiled and looked at Jack through his lashes.

Jack couldn’t help but grin widely, but then he sobered and looked Ianto dead in the eye. “So. What’ll it be?”

[*]

The next morning, Ianto woke up with his boyfriend at Jack’s flat. They arrived at work late, and when Lisa saw him, she gave him a long hug and whispered something in his ear.

Gwen, Toshiko and Owen gossiped about the behavior in the conference room while Jack and Ianto took a long lunch and Lisa smugly refused to answer questions. However, none of them but Lisa had noticed the extra inch or two of height Ianto had gained, the way he managed to fill out his suit more than the days previous, or how his face seemed to have lost its soft, rounded edges and gained a denser sort of strength. They did notice that he seemed as though the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders, although Tosh and Gwen agreed with Owen when he said it was probably down to being very well shagged.

To be fair, they were partially right.


End file.
